For all the media hype surrounding sex and the ways in which it's glamorized in our society, we're pretty darn rigid in the real world of Anytown, U.S.A., and it's difficult for many women to think of themselves as sexual beings, let alone enjoy that role. If your sexual confidence meter is on empty, here are a few ways to fuel up:

The key to unlocking your sexual confidence is to check your self-perception. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder—and you have to see yourself as beautiful before you can expect anyone else to. Yes, you need to feel good about your body. But as thousands of sensuous women will tell you, body image is far less important than just feeling good about yourself and your life overall. By deliberately steering your internal dialogue toward positive, empowering thoughts, you can increase your level of assurance. Maybe you need to replace your current internal dialogue with sexually confident messages like: I'm happy.
I'm fabulous.
I've got it.
I'm beautiful.
Once your internal dialogue is playing the right words, pay attention to what you're saying nonverbally. You can use whatever words you like, but a huge percentage of what you communicate is coming through your body language, loud and clear. If a woman projects a sense of knowing that she's desirable, the man or men in her life will be drawn to her like bears to honey—and that's true whether or not she meets any notion of what a sexy woman "ought" to look like. The way she walks into a room, her posture, how she maintains eye contact, how she dresses, how much time she spends checking out other women and comparing herself to them—all contribute to the aura she exudes.

Before you can give off a confident aura, you need to be comfortable with your body. If you're one of those people who can't even look in the mirror when you're naked, you need to get used to it. Maybe you need to start with lingerie. Maybe you need to begin with a snowsuit and work down from there. The point is, you need to feel comfortable with yourself, and then you can get to know your sexual self. Figure out whatever you need to do to get in the mood—whether it's lighting candles, playing music, or something else—and do it. Ultimately, a sexual response is much more successful when people lose their inhibitions. So you're going to have to learn to get comfortable in your own skin.


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