20 More Questions Every Woman Should Ask Herself
Spend some time with our second annual roundup of essential questions, and we promise you'll discover things about yourself—remarkable, rewarding things—that you never anticipated.
Should I Be Having More Sex?
The answer is different for everyone, of course, and it all depends on your circumstances and appetite and even your definition of sex—but assuming you have regular access to sex, assuming you have a partner who's up for it whenever you are (or maybe, as per the cliché, said partner is up for it far more often than you are), we'd like to offer a few thoughts. One of us advises a policy of hair-trigger impulse indulgence: Whenever you feel even the slightest twinge of desire, act on it. Because if you ignore those stirrings often enough, you'll learn never to act on them—and that's the end of that. Another of our number says she can always tell she and her husband have put off sex too long when they start snipping at each other; that sex is a reliable glue, a fun way to remember that the two of them do, in fact, like each other, despite all the laundry and fatigue and permission slips to sign. One of us says she always feels like she has enough because she has a great vibrator, while another is never having enough, apparently, because her partner wants less than she. (Don't worry—she also has a good vibrator.) Finally, a colleague suggests that you consider this question the way you might consider whether you're drinking enough water: Do you feel thirsty all the time? Do you believe your life would be richer with more water in it? Are you happy drinking water alone if you can't share it with a friend? Whatever your answer to this essential question, the point is that it is essential. Sex is something your body wants, needs and deserves. Plus it's hot, and part of being human, and enjoyable. That's the part that's easiest to forget, actually—that the very crux of sex is pleasure. Yes, it is essential, but if it feels like a chore, don't do it. If it feels like obligation, don't do it. However, if you want some free delight, a cheek-rosying diversion, just because, then for God's sake, DO IT.
—The editors of O
—The editors of O