Reading Questions for Marry Him
14. Chapter 19 discusses the Westerner-idea of "falling in love" vs. love developed over time in arranged marriages. Do you believe you can "fall in love" with someone after, instead of before, marriage? What "practical" factors should women take into account when looking for a spouse? Is it okay if he's a sexy artist but makes no money? If he's stable and loyal but short and bald?
15. Do you think expectations for marriage have changed from generation to generation? If so, discuss how and what causes these differences. In an era when women no longer need a man for financial support or even to have a child, what do you think a husband is for nowadays, and why do you want one?
16. In the book, Lori makes a lot of assumptions about potential dates based on their Match.com profiles, but later ends up dating a guy she was initially reluctant to e-mail. If you've tried online dating, have your experiences been similar to Lori's? What assumptions do you make about men based on their online profile essays or photos? How accurate do you think those assumptions are?
17. How did it make you feel to read about the realities of dating as women age and the "reverse power curve" for men and women? Lori says she was in denial—that she knew dating got harder, but was still convinced that she wouldn't fall through the marital cracks. Do you think you take into account these realities, or do you think that no matter how old you are, you'll still be desirable to the men who interest you?
18. Have you ever fallen for an "alpha male"? What's attractive about men like this? Have you ever dated someone who was less ambitious or successful than you are? How did you feel about that?
19. What is your own personal "chemistry-to-compatibility ratio"—as described in chapter 20? What did you think of the studies by scientists Martie Haselton and Helen Fisher on the biological factors involved in feeling "chemistry"? Have you ever noticed a pattern in which you've mistaken "chemistry" for a dysfunctional attraction?
20. Were you surprised by the studies that researcher Paul Amato discusses in "The Good Enough Marriage" (chapter 22)? Would you be satisfied in a "good enough" marriage or, like some of the women he mentions, would you get divorced and look for something better? How likely do you think it would be for you to find something better than "good enough"?
21. Of the women who tell their stories at the end of the book, to whom do you most relate and why? Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation and, if so, how did you handle it?
22. After reading Marry Him , are there any changes you might make in your approach to dating or relationships? Have you realized anything about what you want and what might make you happy in the long-term that you weren't aware of before? If so, what? Has your idea of "Mr. Right" changed at all?
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