How to Get What You Want
To become a black belt communicator, use the following cheat sheet:
The Feeler
The Feeler uses language to express emotion.
How to recognize a Feeler:
She's an empath and wants to connect, make you feel comfortable. If you're not doing so well, she'll try to figure out a way to help you.
How to get a Feeler to cooperate:
Listen for signals that she is overwhelmed or exhausted. The Feeler needs to hear two things: One, that you understand she's having difficultiessomething like: "I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I don't want to make things more difficult for you." Second, explain that she's the best one to help you: "I'm in trouble and I need your advice; you're so good in situations like this." Being a rescuer is the role she lives to fill, but she wants to be acknowledged for it. When she feels appreciated, she'll be ready to jump in.
The Feeler
The Feeler uses language to express emotion.
How to recognize a Feeler:
She's an empath and wants to connect, make you feel comfortable. If you're not doing so well, she'll try to figure out a way to help you.
How to get a Feeler to cooperate:
Listen for signals that she is overwhelmed or exhausted. The Feeler needs to hear two things: One, that you understand she's having difficultiessomething like: "I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I don't want to make things more difficult for you." Second, explain that she's the best one to help you: "I'm in trouble and I need your advice; you're so good in situations like this." Being a rescuer is the role she lives to fill, but she wants to be acknowledged for it. When she feels appreciated, she'll be ready to jump in.
The Sensor
The Sensor is driven by the drumbeat of constant deadline; she's interested in getting things done quickly.
How to recognize a Sensor:
A Sensor labors under the constant pressure of deadlines and does everythingincluding communicating with youin bursts of very intense energy. She has a short attention span and can make you feel as if you're taking up too much of her time just by saying hello.
How to get a Sensor to cooperate:
She responds best when she knows you have a plan for getting a task done fast. You need to communicate in easily digestible sound bites, so prepare ahead of time. If you don't get to the point quickly enough, the Sensor will consider you an additional source of stress. What you want the Sensor to know is that you can help reduce her workload.
The Sensor is driven by the drumbeat of constant deadline; she's interested in getting things done quickly.
How to recognize a Sensor:
A Sensor labors under the constant pressure of deadlines and does everythingincluding communicating with youin bursts of very intense energy. She has a short attention span and can make you feel as if you're taking up too much of her time just by saying hello.
How to get a Sensor to cooperate:
She responds best when she knows you have a plan for getting a task done fast. You need to communicate in easily digestible sound bites, so prepare ahead of time. If you don't get to the point quickly enough, the Sensor will consider you an additional source of stress. What you want the Sensor to know is that you can help reduce her workload.
The Thinker
The Thinker operates on logic: She loves organization and systems and she likes to see projects through to the bitter end.
How to recognize a Thinker:
These people play by numbers and facts. They are logical and realistic, and they will pop any idealistic balloon by citing a similar situation in which someone failed.
How to get a Thinker to cooperate:
A Thinker loves systems and organization and solving problems. So when she points out inaccuracies or mistakes, let her know that you understand and will fix the problem. She needs to be reassured that you'll stay grounded in reality and that you'll be very careful about gathering your research.
The Thinker operates on logic: She loves organization and systems and she likes to see projects through to the bitter end.
How to recognize a Thinker:
These people play by numbers and facts. They are logical and realistic, and they will pop any idealistic balloon by citing a similar situation in which someone failed.
How to get a Thinker to cooperate:
A Thinker loves systems and organization and solving problems. So when she points out inaccuracies or mistakes, let her know that you understand and will fix the problem. She needs to be reassured that you'll stay grounded in reality and that you'll be very careful about gathering your research.
The Intuitor
The Intuitor thinks in terms of the conceptual and long-range plans; she's a problem solver but not necessarily interested in sticking around to implement solutionsshe'd rather move on to the next puzzle.
How to recognize an Intuitor:
She's the one with the big ideas that you have a hard time understanding. She presents information as though you're supposed to know exactly what she's talking about. She doesn't give any contextno last names of people to whom she's referring, no company names even though she's discussing a problem specific to that company. When you ask questions, she gets impatient. She doesn't realize that you don't know what's in her brain.
How to get an Intuitor to cooperate:
Let her talk out her ideas for a while before you begin asking questions. They should be phrased to show her you like her ideas but simply need more details to understand the full picture.
The Intuitor thinks in terms of the conceptual and long-range plans; she's a problem solver but not necessarily interested in sticking around to implement solutionsshe'd rather move on to the next puzzle.
How to recognize an Intuitor:
She's the one with the big ideas that you have a hard time understanding. She presents information as though you're supposed to know exactly what she's talking about. She doesn't give any contextno last names of people to whom she's referring, no company names even though she's discussing a problem specific to that company. When you ask questions, she gets impatient. She doesn't realize that you don't know what's in her brain.
How to get an Intuitor to cooperate:
Let her talk out her ideas for a while before you begin asking questions. They should be phrased to show her you like her ideas but simply need more details to understand the full picture.
From the November 2007 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine