Illustration: Clayton Junior
4 of 9
You
will give in to temptation—but that doesn't mean
you should ditch your goal entirely. "Resilience doesn't come
from willpower," says Barbara Fredrickson, PhD, director of the
Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Lab at the
University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. "It comes from
thinking positively, which you can train yourself to do." We
asked Fredrickson to break down the anatomy of a slipup—and to
coach us through getting back on track.
1. Moments before slipup Something happens to send you into a
tailspin—you fight with your spouse, you receive a snippy email
from a friend. You're ready to indulge in exactly the thing
you've sworn off, like impulse shopping or junk food. "If
these behaviors are associated with reward, your brain is wired to
want the feel-good hit it's received in the past."
2. During slipup Enjoy! Whether you're embarking on a
little retail therapy or drowning your emotions in cheesecake,
don't beat yourself up. "Slow down and appreciate it. Focus
on the good feelings, not on the sense that you're failing."
3. A few minutes after slipup How you talk to yourself in this
moment often means the difference between moving on from your mistake
and making it ten times worse. "Don't let yourself get sucked
into screw-it syndrome—the idea that once you overindulge,
you've ruined the day, so anything goes. Instead, say to
yourself, "Yes, I got off track, but I don't need to make it
worse." It's easier to dig out from a 300-calorie or $30 mistake
than a 3,000-calorie or $300 one."
4. One day later Keep up the positive self-talk, and
you'll be less likely to fall into the same trap again.
"Self-compassion means not calling it a slipup but a detour. Say,
'Even if I'm meeting my goals only two-thirds of every day or
week, that's two-thirds more than before.' Look at what
you've done and frame it as an on-the-whole success."
5. Two weeks later So you've "detoured" not just
once but several times? Totally normal. "Accept failure as part
of the learning process, but notice
how you're failing.
Focus on how long it takes you to rally after a mistake. If, for
instance, your goal is to stop shopping and you slipped and splurged
at the mall, see how quickly you can short-circuit feeling bad and
move on. You'll know you're making progress if your recovery
time continues to shrink."
— Sarah Z. Wexler
