Stopping His Spending
A: It's obvious that your husband isn't respectful of your needs, but you're also being disrespectful—of yourself. You've given him complete control of all financial matters. Kids get an allowance, not adults who love and trust each other. You didn't just quit your job when you married him, you also quit being a powerful woman. I don't care if he was a big-shot banker; you should have equal control over and access to whatever money exists.
The challenge is to get him to start treating you as a peer. I want you to write down everything that's working—and not working—in your relationship. Dig deep to think about how you've contributed to this unfortunate dynamic. Women often let their need to nurture keep them from speaking their minds, and they end up resentful.
Arrange a time to talk about the issues that bother you. Don't spring this on him or attack him. That's not how you save a marriage. Use your notes as a guide to help you communicate everything you're feeling. If he doesn't agree to reassess how you handle money, see a marriage counselor. And if that doesn't help, you have to consider that maybe this isn't going to work. Staying with him could put you in deeper trouble. You're both responsible for all debts run up during the marriage; if your husband has no intention of cleaning up his act, you can't afford to be dragged down by his poor judgment.