What's Your Sexual Style?
Trance-like: You focus inwardly during sex, even as you remain aware of your partner. You'd rather keep things quiet—talking can be a distraction.
Partner-engaged: You want to whisper sweet nothings and gaze into your partner's eyes.
Role-playing: You're into sharing fantasies and assuming specific identities with your partner.
Even if you and your loved one aren't always in perfect harmony, it's not evidence that you're sexually incompatible. "In reality, we're all capable of operating in all three of these dimensions, at profound depth," says Schnarch. Like everything else in the bedroom, it's about working together: The role-player can lovingly focus on the partner who longs to engage. And occasionally, she can put on the Swiss Miss outfit.