The One Thing Sex Experts Agree We Should All Be Doing More Of
Solo sex is a central theme of classic sex advice books like Becoming Orgasmic and The Elusive Orgasm, and in our experts' experience, women who engage in it report having better sex lives. In addition to helping you orgasm with a partner, it can increase your desire and help solve issues of too-little lubrication, says Virginia Sadock, MD, professor of psychiatry and director of the program in human sexuality NYU Langone Medical Center, who also recommends fantasizing while you're at it.
The old-fashioned method works just fine, but some experts prefer higher-tech options. "When a patient says, 'I'm having difficulty having orgasms or getting aroused,' the first question I ask is: 'What kind of vibrator do you have, and how are you using it?'" says Lauren Streicher, MD, a clinical associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine and the author of Sex Rx: Hormones, Health, and Your Best Sex Ever. (Fun fact: There was even a vibrator-like device, called an “arouser”, in this year's Oscars gift bag. Celebrities—they are just like us!). Once you find a method you enjoy, the experts say don't stop there; the goal is to get relaxed and spend time experimenting with different sensations until you find what feels amazing. Then, the next time you and your partner are having sex, communicate those findings loud and clear.