8 of the Most Common Sexual Fantasies
Enjoying a Romp in Public
If you've ever had sex as a guest in someone's house, you know that the thrill of getting caught can make your romp seem even hotter. And 57 percent of women fantasize about taking things even further by having sex in a public place, according to the research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. "There's a sense of liberation and empowerment in fantasizing about having an audience and the idea that you sexually excite others with your performance and arousal," says Bromley.
Just because you like the idea of being naked in front others doesn't necessarily mean you've got an exhibitionist streak. Remember, "fantasies permit us to engage in imaginary scenarios without real-world complications—like jealousy, hurt feelings, offending others, or even risking arrest," says David A. Levy, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles.
Having Sex with Total Strangers
Ever had a sexy stranger show up in your dreams? Nearly 50 percent of women reported that they fantasize about having sex with an unknown person, according to the survey in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found. "The anonymous 'stranger' fantasy permits people to avoid issues like attachment, intimacy, or jealousy," Levy says.
The more impersonal nature of a stranger fantasy may also indicate you're trying to detach yourself from something that has nothing to do with your relationships. "Fantasies about sex with strangers may give expression to a desire to be free of pressure, duty, and responsibility to others in our day-to-day lives," says Darnell. "Often times, such fantasies are about what that person represents rather than who they are."
Or, Doing It with Someone You Know That's Not Your Spouse
66 percent of women fantasize about having sex with acquaintances, reports the Journal of Sexual Medicine. But if your boss, your friend's husband, or your smokin' neighbor suddenly makes an appearance in one of your fantasies, don't freak out.
"One of the greatest enemies of sexual desire and satisfaction is boredom," says Levy, "especially in longer-term relationships." Fantasizing about someone you know is partly due to the fact that they regularly show up in your real life, and also because "novelty, mystery, curiosity, and imagination are all hallmarks of desire," Bromley explains.
P.S. If you're fantasizing about someone you despise, it's not just for the hate sex: "Fantasies about a person we actively dislike may be a way of coming to terms with the dynamic and taking control of the situation in your mind to make peace with it in the real world," says Darnell.
Mixing Pain with Pleasure
Going back to those 50 Shades fantasies... 65 percent of people fantasize about receiving pain, whether in the form of spanking, biting, or dripping hot wax, Lehmiller found in his research. "S&M is about relinquishing control—it's a way people forget themselves," says Bromley. "The pain brings you into your physical being and into the present moment. Also, physiologically, the pain inflicted wakes up the body, making it more sensitive to pleasure."
Spanking, biting, and dripping hot wax are all elements of foreplay, which builds anticipation and pleasure to even higher levels before the main event. "The dynamic here usually involves control: either gaining a sense of control (usually for the person administering the pain) or relinquishing control (for the person receiving the pain)," says Levy.
Making Love in a Romantic Location
Nearly 85 percent of women fantasize about getting down in a sultry locale, like on a deserted beach, the survey in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found. It's not just because we've been conditioned by romance novel covers, although that does play a part—"for women, emotional and contextual factors are more prominent in fantasies," says Levy, and a romantic setting can help get you revved up.
Somewhere romantic like "a deserted beach is far away from chores, deadlines, or any responsibilities," says Bromley. "It's a place where a woman can just be in the present moment. There isn't anything waiting for her to do, she can just relax into the bliss." And what's sexier than that?
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