Three months ago, I probably would have freaked out if I thought I gained a pound. Well this week I gained a pound and I'm not freaking out at all. Quite honestly, I think it may have been just a "time of the month" thing. I really don't know because my wonderful gynecologist, Dr. Peppy (yes that is his real name), gave me an endometrial ablation last year. For all of you out there who have no clue what that means, it is when they laser the lining of your uterus so you don't have periods anymore. After Dr. Peppy gave me my ablation, I wanted to marry him.

The only problem is that I don't know when I ovulate, or in my case if I ovulate, so I really don't know what time of the month it is. So I may be holding onto some water weight because it's just that time of the month. Whatever.

I can live with that problem very easily. I do love Dr. Peppy. At my last office visit he asked me if I have been having any menopausal symptoms. I said to Dr. Peppy, "Do you want the whole list or just the top 10?"

Lately I have been doing what Joe calls the "wax on, wax off" in bed. Meaning that one minute I have the covers on, then I have the covers off. Hot flashes, night sweats—they are terrible. Mood swings—one minute I'm singing, one minute I'm crying. The fat in the belly—I must do at least 100 crunches a day, yet I can't seem to get rid of the fat in the belly. If I were a drug addict I could probably hide drugs in that big flap of skin. I want a tummy tuck! Gee I wonder if The Oprah Show has any pull with Extreme Makeover.... Hmm?

It is an odd feeling. It is like I am too old to be young, but too young to be old. Anyway, I did gain a pound. So what!

On a good note: I went shopping for new clothes this past week. My friend Linda accompanied me and I walked straight to the plus-size department just on habit. My size used to be 2X in a shirt or blouse, especially because I happen to be very well endowed, if you get my drift. Do you want the good news or the bad news first? Okay, the bad news is that I'm still pretty well endowed. But the good news is that I don't need the plus-size department anymore because I fit into a size L. So I have actually skipped over the 1X and XL completely.

I went to try my clothes on, a chore I always hated to do. The dressing rooms were never large enough for me and I would always get stuck in my girdle. I would always come out breaking a sweat. Isn't it funny that when you go into the dressing room you can be wearing the nicest outfit, but you just throw it anywhere when you are trying something new on? I found such a cute outfit, but I didn't know if it would fit. It looked on the small side to me.

When I zipped the size 14 slacks on, I let out a scream so loud that the store manager came running. I guess there aren't many customers that scream in the dressing room, but I was basking in my glory. Actually all of the people that were in the dressing room, came out looking, and were all kind of perplexed that a middle-aged size 14 woman was whooping it up.

I was asking them all if they thought I looked hot. I told them all I wasn't even wearing my Spanx! They looked at me like I was ready for the funny farm. All these women were probably a size 0 to size 4. To me they looked like concentration camp victims. My friend Linda was cracking up. I had to make something up fast, so I told them all that I recently weighed 350 pounds because I just gave birth to triplets three weeks ago. I don't think they believed me.

See you all very soon! It's finally Barb time at The Oprah Show!


As a reminder, always consult your doctor for medical advice and treatment before starting any program.


Next Story