Best Life Challenge: The Best of Tori's Blog

Tori, an artist and mother of two, says she has been overweight since she was a child. "My sister was always the thinner one, and I was the heavier one," she says. "They would first see me and see my weight before they saw me as a person."

That doesn't mean that she has always had a bad self-image. Tori says that when she was younger, she thought of herself as "shapely" with "big-butt-big-hips" and was not necessarily interested in losing weight.

Now she says she's ready for a change. "I'm not looking to be some skinny stick. I just want to feel comfortable when I walk by a mirror or a window," she says. "I want to walk into a department store, and pick something up, and not struggle with it, not feel depressed about shopping."

Today is February 26, 2007, and I have been on the challenge for six days with my fellow "Best Life Bunch." This is our first official full week.

It's funny now because it has really sunk in. Last week we were so caught up in all of the action, with the show and living in the moment of "this is really happening to me." The phone calls have slowed down and now it is all on me. I have an amazing amount of support, but part of me is scared to know that people will be watching me closely. The other part of me is okay with that because this is a decision I have made and I can only answer to myself.

I like to create little visuals in my mind to make it through my challenges, like when I am working out. I like to visualize me after losing the weight, walking on stage looking fabulous. I visualize Bob when I am eating—seeing him smiling or giving me a high five for eating my breakfast or making a good food choice. I know this may sound weird, but when I was on that stage I felt a connection with Oprah. I saw it in her eyes that she could feel my struggle, and that she looked at me in a way that said, "You can do this." I take that visual with me to bed at night.

I realize that this is only the beginning, but I WILL DO THIS!

Until later, your Best Life challenger,

Tori

Hello everyone out there,

It has been 21 days since I have been on the program. I know you're thinking I must be having some issues, but I can't say that I have had any major difficulties other than getting up in the morning. I have to get up between 5–5:30....early huh? I have to be up before the rest of my crew gets up because then I have to be in "Mommy Mode." You know once I'm up then it's kind of nice to have that personal time to myself, and I feel so great after my workout, and you know what makes me feel good is if I fool around all day I don't even feel guilty 'cause at least I wasn't really being lazy since I got my workout in.

The first month is about to approach us. I feel really proud of our group's accomplishment. And for me personally this is the first time that I have really committed to doing exercise every day—that is major. I know that I have moved a little closer to my end goal and that is my inspiration for the week.

I WILL DO THIS,
Until later,

Tori

Well, it is the end of Week 4 and we are at a month already, hard to believe huh? What a major accomplishment. I have made leaps and bounds with my commitment to exercise and changing my eating habits. I also have a host of supporters who believe in me. I thought about what this month has meant to me. This month has been a whirlwind of emotions, some happy times and some sad. It has been full of energy and sometimes no energy, feeling hungry and not so hungry, lots of strength and sometimes just tired with aches and pains. But through all of that I have enjoyed being on my new journey to a healthy life.

With all of that said, I had to stop and really think about what I have written because this morning we were able to weigh ourselves for the first time since we have been on our program. I have to say that this morning I was not feeling so good. You see, I only lost one pound. But after talking to some of my fellow challengers and a couple of friends, I had to revaluate my one pound. Yes it is only one pound that I have lost, but look at what I have gained. Normally I would not be happy about gaining but this time I will take the gained over the lost.

Until next time moving into Week 5 with my gain.

I WILL DO THIS,

Tori

Boy, this Phase 2 is a lot different than Phase 1. I am definitely taking it one day at a time. It has made me more aware of my portions and what one serving really looks like. You know you don't really realize how the calories rack up.

The other day I made homemade waffles for my husband and me. The syrup was 210 calories for one tablespoon. We joked because he said he probably had about 620 or more calories of syrup on his waffles. The thing is, you could easily do that and not even realize what you just consumed—and that's not even counting the calories from the waffle! After adding that up I had one waffle and one tablespoon of syrup, which was not very much syrup. Normally that is a breakfast that I would have enjoyed, but without the extra butter, the other waffle, more syrup and making it without substituting the eggs for egg beaters, using skim milk and adding no butter or oil into the mix...it just didn't taste the same. So for me, some of these old habits and things that I would normally eat I would rather just cut them out of my diet all together.

I guess you don't really realize how much emphasis you can sometimes put on food. That was a moment for me to think about, because I am trying to eat in a different way and look at how I am nourishing my body. In the past I worried more about how it would taste—and don't get me wrong, it still needs to taste good—but as we celebrate the differences in people, I am learning to celebrate the differences in foods that are better for nourishing my body.

This new life change has made me really take a look at food and how it affects me, my body and my life.

That is something that I had never really done in the past, and thanks to Bob Greene for making me think about how food affects me and how I let it affect my life.

I WILL DO THIS,

Tori

So this journey is moving right a long with a few bumps and bruises. We are in the beginning stages of Phase 2, and I have to say I was a little nervous 'cause this is definitely in the "nitty gritty" of it. This is the stage we stay in until we accomplish our goals. This is of course how I was feeling until we took our amazing trip that we were so blessed with. A gift that was amazing to have shared with the rest of my "Best Life Bunch."

We had the opportunity to challenge our bodies, and it was a true test to me to see where I was and how my workouts that I had been doing at home had paid off. I am definitely not close to where I should be, but I could feel the difference in my mobility and my wind. Had I tried that a couple of months ago, it would have been a joke, so I was pretty proud of myself.

I gained so much from the trip. Without giving away too much, not only were we physically challenged, but mentally as well (which I will talk about at a later date). I am the type of person who has to take it all in and then go back and process it. Now that I am back home, I am doing a lot of processing.

As far as my bumps and bruises... On Easter I cooked a nice dinner which was within what I could eat. However, it was also my husband's birthday and I made a chocolate cake. I was trying to be really good, so I also made the bread pudding from Bob's recipes. I thought, 'They'll have cake. I'll have pudding.' Well what do you think won over the pudding? You got it: the cake. I did, however, have a small slice, drank my water and did my workout. I could hear Bob saying, 'You have to put out more than you put in.' At that moment I thought, 'I put in so I have to put out.' Taking a look at the mental part of this journey is also what is helping me to keep moving forward. That is why I know...

I WILL DO THIS,

Tori

Well, two months have gone by and we have just finished up our ninth week. I feel like I am right on track. I have lost 20 pounds so far and I am hoping to lose a little more before the next show. The ultimate would be if I could lose another 10—I would love to walk on the show 30 pounds lighter.

The "big day" is coming soon and I am a little nervous. I am not too excited about weighing in on the show. I am not nervous about the weight part...just about what we might have to wear. The black shorts and bra are not the most flattering thing to wear and to be on national TV. I know I must sound a little vain, but trust me, the rest of the Best Life bunch feels the same way as I do, and if someone was going to say something about the fashions, it would be me. I was the one at our retreat trying to figure out how to make the spa clothes look more fashionable.

I realize I have to look at the bigger picture and I know it will add a wow factor to all that we have accomplished by revealing our weight loss on TV. So bring on the black shorts and bra. Hmm...I wonder what I can do to it to make it look a little more flattering.

Although I am not excited about the weigh in, I am excited to reveal what has been going on in my life and how the challenge has been. It is exciting to know that hopefully someone out there can relate to my story and maybe I have helped in some little way to make someone make healthy changes in their life. You know, everyone keeps saying that you have no idea how many people are watching you and how people are relating to us in so many ways.

I guess it's hard to believe that I could touch another person's life when it comes to my weight loss. I am just like any other normal person living in the D.C. area trying to stay committed to a program. I used to read about other weight loss stories and would think they seem like me—what did they have that I don't? I realized it's not that they had anything different. It was just about my determination, my commitment and what choices I make every single day. When you get that, it is such a great feeling!

I WILL DO THIS,

Tori

I am in a space where I am trying to get my momentum back. I have been a little under the weather for the last week and a half and my treadmill is acting a little crazy. These are not excuses, I just have to get back in my zone.

I have come too far to go backwards. I am feeling a lot better, so now I am getting back on track. If you don't keep it in perspective, you can easily self-sabotage yourself. My food intake has been okay, just the exercise part of it, I was not doing so well. It was hard for me to think about stepping on that treadmill when my stomach ached. I don't think I could of handled it. Then, I thought to myself, "Tori, it has just been a week and it is not like you did not exercise at all." And of course for me, when I am not exercising on the regular (seven days a week), I feel like I am back at square one. I even dreamed that I had gained some of my weight back when in fact I had lost two pounds. My mind is definitely playing tricks on me.

This is such an interesting journey, and it will probably be one of the most interesting journeys that I will ever be on. That is because this journey is solely about me, learning more about myself as I lose this weight, knowing what keeps me motivated, trying to figure out this new person as I shed these layers, and to remember that my momentum can't always be full steam ahead. Sometimes it is okay to slow your momentum down and take a deep breath.

I WILL DO THIS,

Tori

Little by little I am revealing and peeling the layers. I am making a conscious effort to celebrate and show off my new body a little more. I have a friend who keeps telling me to stop being so body-conscious—my body is something that I have always been self-conscious about. Although I still have a ways to go in my weight loss journey, I am really trying to embrace the new changes.

In one of my blogs I talked about not seeing the changes as much as others. I am trying to receive it differently. Now instead of answering someone with a "really?" I graciously say thank you when they comment on how I might look now. I thought about that. Why should I doubt them and actually why should I doubt myself? I have worked hard to get to this point, and I need to feel good about that and what I have accomplished so far.

I am even finding myself looking in windows at my reflection quickly, but at least I am now looking. That is something that I never did. Now I am just looking forward to the day when I can take a long look at my reflection and really feel good about not only the physical appearance, but also knowing that although this journey has been a slow process, I am healthy and fit. I will then be able to fully embrace that reflection of me without feeling self-conscious.

I WILL DO THIS,

Tori

Okay, so I love clothes and my ultimate dream is to walk out on our last show with designer jeans on. That is my visual at night. Sometimes when I go to bed I see myself walking onto the stage with my designer jeans, my designer shoes and, of course, to boot, my designer bag. I keep saying that it will be my treat to myself when I have made my goal.

Now I am saving this for the end, but the other day I went shopping with my girlfriend, which, I must say is always fun. But it's becoming more enjoyable with my body ever changing.

I went to the jeans department in Saks and I did it—I tried on my first pair of real designer jeans. I can't tell you which ones, but let's just say they are generous to the hips, thighs and booty—as it states on the tag. And Lord knows I am not lacking in any on those departments. And do you know that I got those bad boys on a size 32. I am not quite sure what size that is, but I do know that it is the largest size that they make. But who cares. I got them on and zipped them up.

I was jumping up and down and dancing all around the dressing room in excitement. I even ran out of the dressing room frantically looking for my girlfriend to celebrate with me. Trying on those jeans was a serious workout in itself, for those of you who know all about the jeans dance and how you have to jump a little, do a couple of squats, it's the ritual for trying on jeans. You ladies know what I am talking about.

Right now they are for my eyes only. I am still not quite there yet. As we all know with these jeans, they are all low cut and I still have a little too much junk in the trunk to parade them around. But that's okay. Give me until the end of the summer and I will be ready for those jeans. And, even better yet, give me until our last show and I won't be in a size 32.

I WILL DO THIS,

Tori

Okay, so I am back, but I can't seem to get back to my workouts seven days a week. I don't know what it is. I guess my lapse of not working out seven days a week on my trip. Am I burned out? That is the question that I have asked myself today. I don't feel like I am, and I haven't gained any weight. So what is it?

Do you ever just feel like doing nothing? Well, that is how I am feeling. Preparing for that show took so much out of me that I think, mentally, I just can't fathom doing anything. I know I can't use that as an excuse 'cause life goes on. These are the things that I am learning to cope with. Just because I am on this new journey does not mean everything is going to be set up just so. That's life.

Sometimes I think I use this journey as an excuse for things that I need to do. I will tell myself, "Oh, I can't do that 'cause I am on this program." When really, I should dive right in so that I can learn to cope and be prepared for obstacles that may come my way. This has definitely been a learning process and I know I am probably rambling right now, but I hope this is making some sense and somebody out there understands where I am coming from.

I have just decided to focus on my food this week, which is going well, and to try to work out at least four to five times this week—one down so far, and four more to go. And hey, this is my own personal journey. I have to remember to sometimes cut myself a little slack—not a lot, but some.

Wish me luck!

I WILL DO THIS,

Tori

I had just a little setback. I hurt my hip and I don't know what the heck I did to it. All I know is that I went to my regular Saturday class and, while warming up, I felt a little pain in the hip area. But I figured I would work through it and do my class. I figured I might have been a li'l rusty since I had missed a few days.

Okay, so by the time I made it home from my class I could hardly walk. "Oh, no!" I couldn't believe I had injured myself and it would take about two weeks to recover. I, of course, went to the doctor. He said I might have been overdoing it, so I needed to take some time off. Then he said something that I was not too happy about. He seemed to think that not only was it my hip, but a combo of hip and lower back. I told him that my lower back did bother me sometimes, and he said that it was due to the shape of my body—with emphasis to my backside.

Of course I proudly told him all about my weight loss, and he thought that was a good thing. But then he said, "No matter what you do, your statuesque body is not going anywhere. It may get toner and even a little smaller, but it will not change a lot."

I guess those genes are strong and here to stay. In fact, I can already see it in my daughter's shape.

I WILL DO THIS,

Tori

I am on my way to Playa Del Carmen, which is right outside of Cancun. I am really looking forward to it. We are celebrating my sister's wonderful birthday. You may have noticed I didn't put a number with it, and I don't dare. Let's just say it is a fabulous number that most definitely needs to be celebrated.

So I have been frantically getting ready for my trip and doing a little shopping. I even bought some two-piece bathing suits—of course strategically picking the right ones for my body shape, along with the right cover up and wrap.

I can't imagine myself prancing around there with just my bathing suit on, but I think I will be daring and try it with a wrap. The main area that I am always concerned about is the backside and my thighs, so those will definitely be covered. My saving grace will be my lounge chair. Then I don't mind showing my body without my wrap on. Somehow when you sit in a chair, it can do wonders for how your weight is distributed. Right now I am imagining this place with lots of beautiful bodies floating around the beach. I guess we shall see.

I WILL DO THIS,

Tori

I am back from Cancun, and glad to be on American soil. Okay, so we didn't check the weather. And who knew there was a hurricane coming? Before we had the hurricane scare, Playa Del Carmen was fabulous. It is quite the cutie spot with lots of cool and hip lounges to go to. We definitely hit our fair share of them...but I was quite the good girl, no drinking! I just had water and occasionally a ginger ale.

My beach experience was good. I went running in the morning on the beach, and I have to say I felt good with my body because there were definitely all shapes and sizes floating all around me. There were definitely the "beautiful ones," but I felt like I blended in just right.

For my 40th, I went to Jamaica and I was much larger then. In my mind I was floating all around there. So that felt good to know that I am three sizes smaller now.

I WILL DO THIS,

Tori

The summer schedule is gone, and now onto my fall schedule. Yeah! Back to some normalcy. For me, it was hard to have a lot of consistency with my exercise during the summer; the food part was not so hard to control. I can now put less focus on my children and now more on what I still have to accomplish, which is to continue good eating habits and to rev up my exercise.

It's hard to believe that it has been about seven months since I started this program. Wow! That is a good feeling—to think about the commitment that I have made and how it is really paying off, not just in the physical part, but most of all the mental side of it. I didn't realize how I carried myself. I thought of myself as a pretty outgoing person, but I feel now it shows even more.

The other thing is I don't think about my weight as often as I use to. I guess by that I mean when I am in public, it is not the first thing that I think people are looking at. Not that I am not feeling some insecurities and not that I don't still have work to do, but at least its not the first thing on my mind. See, like I said, baby steps and one day at a time.

I WILL DO THIS,

Tori