I'm about ready to go to bed, but I thought I'd put down a couple thoughts as the day ends. Wow! What an experience! I've been reading the message boards on the Oprah website and have been so touched by the messages that have been posted in support of me and the others in our group of six. I have also received so many calls from friends and family that have been loving and supportive.

I was so scared after the show was filmed and that somehow I would come off in a negative light or my part would be embarrassing to my family and friends. But I have gotten nothing but support for my "bravery, courage and honesty." ...

I want my life to be better, and actually, the hardest step I have taken thus far was the first morning I got up early to go work out. I don't want to go to bed one more day depressed that another day has gone by and it had just been the same old, same old.

I also wanted to respond to a couple things.

Did I look flat and did I look depressed on the show? Of course! I'm not happy about where I'm at and I was discussing that topic. I take Wellbutrin and Celexa and meet with a psychiatrist on a regular basis. I have come a long way from the days of leaving my kids to fend for themselves while I slept. Now, if we had been discussing my family trip to Florida in October, you would have seen a different side of my personality. But that's not what we're doing. I'm taking a serious look at things in my life that are causing unhappiness, holding me back; and I am searching for ways to move forward.

One thing I have started doing is asking myself why I reach for something unhealthy or eat at a time when I'm not really hungry. I try to stand really present in that moment and tap into why I'm choosing to do that, and I'm having more understanding and discovering things about myself that I find fascinating.

I'm trying to just answer the questions Bob and Oprah say to ask myself. I'm trying to be teachable and in a learning state of mind.

I think motivation is the most difficult thing to maintain and that's why I'm so grateful for the other challengers and their regular e-mails and text messages. I'm grateful for the friends and family I have surrounding me. I'm grateful for all the wonderful info on and I'm grateful for the Oprah message boards. And I am grateful that there is a higher power that I can call on and have faith in, that he will help me in my efforts to improve my life. Because I know that is his only hope for me—happiness, peace, gratitude and satisfaction.

As a reminder, always consult your doctor for medical advice and treatment before starting any program.


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