Bob Greene's Webcast Transcript

 

Bob: And let's say that you know for a fact that there have been times, actually you've been very consistent, and when I replay that show I think you were a little tough on yourself. However, it became your moment to say enough, which everyone needs to reach before they reverse things, which is good. But I think you were tough on yourself. You may have forgotten, but you've lost a total of 90 pounds. You put back on 40. Most of the people that have lost 50 or more pounds, the vast majority, 95 percent, by most accounts, gain it all back. So you did stop the processes. And I felt you were pretty tough on yourself. But I was also okay with that because it reversed the wheels. And as you know, you started paying attention to the things you needed to.

Oprah: Yeah, but let's get to this question of worthiness because I think this affects everybody who is listening to us because I was one of those people who completely denied what Bob was saying about me not feeling worthy. And what I realized is I do feel worthy for my professional success.

Bob: I would agree with that.

Oprah: Yeah.

Bob: I would never say I disagree with that statement.

Oprah: I do feel worthy for all the things that I have worked hard to earn. But what I realized, and this may affect you all, too, is that any time you take yourself off the list, any time that you allow yourself to give and give and give and give to other people, somewhere, if you peel back the layers, the reason why you do that is because you think other people's issues, other people's desires, other people's needs are more important than your own.

Bob: That's one great example. And I love the fact you brought that up with Linda's example because her last line was, "I'm lazy."

Oprah: "I'm lazy."

Bob: Now that's really an important statement. Because when you can physically write or say those words, you're reconfirming that core belief that you're not worthy. Or another way that affects everyone that's fallen off the wagon, when you commit to this way of life of eating the right foods and exercising on a regular basis, being an active person, and you say, in particular, "I've going to start Monday," for example.

Oprah: Yes.

Bob: Monday rolls around and you don't do what you say?

Oprah: That's right.

Bob: Your conscious mind says, "Oh, I was really busy" and you—that's what the conscious mind is there for is to make you tell yourself you're okay and get through the day.

Oprah: Yeah.

Bob: However, your unconscious mind processes the fact that, you know, "I didn't do what I said I was going to do."

Oprah: Right.

Bob: That's where you—your unconscious—that's why everyone always says, "Well, I think I'm worthy." But unconsciously you're saying, "I didn't do what it takes to be successful."

Oprah: That's the other thing I clicked on that may be helpful to you all. Any time you say you're going to do something for yourself—and the truth of the matter is, I will not break a commitment to a living human being. I mean that's why I went to Africa for the weekend. Bottom line is, I had said to the teachers I'm going to show up. When the time came around, I was so exhausted, as I said on the show today, I just got back from Africa yesterday, I was so exhausted when the time ran around, but I disability because I said I was going to do it. I won't break a commitment to another person. But we all who have said, "I'm going to start the diet on Monday, I'm going to do this this time, I'm not going to let—I'm going to quit smoking, I'm going to whatever," we all lie to ourselves. And when you do that over and over again, your subconscious—you don't even trust yourself anymore.

Bob: There you go. And you reinforce the fact that "I'm not worthy."

Oprah: Right.

Bob: Of whatever it is you're seeking.

Oprah: And that's what you mean by "you're not worthy," because you would not do that to another person.

Bob: There you go. You're valuing that person. You're saying they're worthy much my attention and my commitment.

Oprah: And my truth.

Bob: And your truth.

Oprah: And my truth.

Bob: And the reverse is true of yourself. You say you're going to do something.

Oprah: And you don't.

Bob: And you don't. Do you remember—I just got asked on an interview. "Is this true?" They were shocked. You wanted—you were doing something, it was a monumental experience for you. You were hosting something or you had some wonderful thing but you had just signed a contract with me, no alcohol.

Oprah: Yeah.

Bob: And you had said, "Well, can't I get out of that?"

Oprah: It was the Emmys. I got the Lifetime Achievement Award. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bob: So I do look—I do look unreasonable. However, it's not about having the alcohol or not having the alcohol.

Oprah: It was that I said I wasn't going to have it.

Bob: It was that you honored that commitment that you had just put words in writing. And it was more about honoring your commitment. It's a double-edged sword.

Oprah: Okay. So this is about telling the truth to yourself, and the worthiness is about when you lie to yourself. Any time you've lied to yourself, you did that because you felt you were unworthy. That was the big aha! moment for me because I've been arguing, "Yeah, I'm worthy. Of course I'm worthy." Jill is Skyping from her dining room. Jim, you're wearing green too?

Jill: What can I say.

Bob: It's Best Life Week.

Oprah: It's Best Life Week in St. Paul. So I hear you did Bob's Circle of Life exercise, and what happened when you did that exercise?

Jill: Well, you know, it wasn't easy. Some of the parts of it were easy for me, but I have to admit when it came to fitness and health, which are the areas that I struggle with most personally, I—I had to walk away from it, go do something else and come back to it so that I could come up with an answer.

Oprah: So what was in your circle, can you tell us that? Do you mind sharing that?

Jill: Sure. In the health and fitness?

Oprah: No. You did the circle, a complete circle.

Jill: Oh, yes, okay.

Oprah: And what were the things that were important to you when you divided up your pie? What was important?