Jeff VanVonderen, an expert on the nature of substance abuse who helped Alyson on A&E's Intervention, says families of addicts like Alyson and Tamela often act as enablers. This happens, he says, even as they have nothing but good intentions, trying to protect a suffering loved one.
"They think they're really helping," he says. "They're not trying to hurt the situation. But typically, … when they're watching what's going on, it's not okay in their heart, and in their head it's not okay. … So what they do, in terms of the relationship with the person, is they help the problem continue even though they're trying to help it to stop. So continuing to say the same thing over and over again, that doesn't help. But it does help [the addiction] go one more day and one more day and one more day."
Jeff, also the author of Good News for the Chemically Dependent and Those Who Love Them, suggests a simple question families can ask themselves to determine if they are enabling destructive behavior in a loved one. "Am I helping something happen that I agree with, or am I helping something happen I don't agree with?"
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