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Advice for Wives Who Don't Want Sex
Many women have questions about sex and the Berman sisters have answers! QUESTION: BRING IT BACK What can I do to bring back what there once was in a relationship, and what I can no longer see? The Bermans' Answer: Laura explains that women are multi-taskers, which can be a wonderful gift for accomplishing things, but can also be a curse sexually. If you don't feel good enough about all the things you're getting done, it can be hard to turn off your mind and concentrate on feeling sexual. Jennifer says that the key is to make time for yourself as a person, and with your partner. There's nothing wrong with setting a date night so you can reconnect as a couple. Quality time together can be as simple as having a glass of wine together after the kids are in bed. QUESTION: HYSTERECTOMY OR HEAD CASE? About two years ago I had a hysterectomy, and I have completely lost my desire for sex. If I am able to have an orgasm, and I enjoy sex when I have it, why do I not have any sexual desire whatsoever? Is my problem physical, or is it all in my head? The Bermans' Answer: According to Jennifer, even if the ovaries are left in place after a hysterectomy, there is still vascular blood flow damage to the ovaries. This can cause a decrease in the secretion of hormones. Nerves important to sexual function may also be damaged during the surgery. Jennifer also notes that if possible, it's better to keep your ovaries when you have a hysterectomy. You still may have low desire, but without ovaries, you wouldn't have estrogen or testosterone, and would basically have no sexual desire at all. Jennifer says that if you've had a hysterectomy and are experiencing low desire, discuss it with your doctor, and have your hormone levels checked. Then, be pro-active in seeking therapies. Some women can't use hormone therapy, or wish to use a natural alternative. While the Bermans note that they aren't pushing hormones, the treatment definitely makes it easier to regain sexual response. QUESTION: OUCH! What do you do about pain following intercourse? I almost always experience an awful burning pain right after intercourse, which of course leads to lack of desire, because you're afraid of the pain. The Bermans' Answer: The Bermans explain that even more than low arousal, tremendous number of women suffer from some kind of pain with intercourse. Jennifer says the first thing to do is determine what's causing the pain, and where the pain is. The Bermans thought these symptoms seemed to describe "vulvodynia", chronic vulvar discomfort or pain, characterized by irritation of the vagina. Their advice is to discuss this problem with a doctor, and to visit the Web site of the National Vulvodynia Association, www.nva.org. QUESTION: ENDOMETRIOSIS I was diagnosed with endometriosis in my early twenties. I went on the pill, went off the pill, and it has come back. It's uncomfortable, and I'm not sure what to do. The Bermans' Answer: The Bermans say that one problem with endometriosis is that you can't take estrogen or testosterone. Meanwhile, the treatments for endometriosis cause dramatic changes in libido. The first line of therapy would be to get the endometriosis treated to deal with the pain. Once it is treated, there are definite options for dealing with lack of desire. QUESTION: PILL PROBLEMS Are there certain types of birth control that cause a lack of desire? The Bermans' Answer: Jennifer says that there are combinations of birth control pills that have more libido side effects, and some that have less. Birth control pills change hormonal levels in your body, and can cause symptoms of low libido. If you think birth control pills are causing problems with your libido, the Bermans recommend addressing the issue in great detail with your gynecologist. According to Laura, the lower the hormone level in your pills, the better it is for your libido. The pills will still have the same birth control effect. The Bottom Line The Bermans say that the bottom line is that women have to take responsibility for their own sexuality. There have always been women willing to do that, but in the past they had nowhere to go, or got no answers. Now doctors are looking at what questions need to be asked, and more options are now available. They also explain that attending to your own spirit and needs is the most important thing you can do to begin to reclaim your sexuality. More questions and answers. Sincerely, Laura and Jennifer Berman Co-Directors, Network for Excellence in Women's Sexual Health Co-Directors, Female Sexual Medicine Center, UCLA Medical Center, Los Angeles, CA
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