The Oprah Winfrey Show

Sex, Lies and Double Lives

From the show A Secret Sex World: Living on the "Down Low

J.L. KingAuthor J.L. King says there's a secret sexual lifestyle called living on the "down low," an expression used to describe men who are married or have girlfriends but are secretly sleeping with men. J.L. knows first-hand about living this double life.

Is He Gay?
"Why do I have to label myself to make you comfortable? …The act of the sex is homosexuality, but I don't want to get caught up in the whole gay culture, because the media and people look at gay people as being less than a man [in the black community]. The media has let white gay people feel more comfortable in their skin and it's accepted. The greatest taboo is to be black and homosexual, and I refuse to be labeled and classified that folks will look at me as something different. I am a man."

His Marriage
"My marriage wasn't a lie, because I love my wife, she was my best friend, we were running partners. What was a lie about the marriage was my desire to have sex with other men. I did not reveal that to her because I was scared."

Gratification vs. Orientation
"If I was a gay man, I may want to be in a relationship with another man and play house. But when you're on the "down low" all you want to do is have sex."

Learn more about life on the "down low" in J.L. King's book, On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of "Straight" Black Men Who Sleep with Men.


TALK WITH OTHERS
As an African-American woman, this is a topic that affects the way I think about dating. The ignorance and denial about the fact that anyone can be vulnerable to HIV if they engage in unprotected sex, especially with men, is THE major factor in the spread of HIV in the African-American community.
— pisceanchk


RELATED LINKS
AIDS: A Global Epidemic
Bono on AIDS in Africa
Vintage Oprah: AIDS in West Virginia