1. Men can't help it. Men naturally are hunters and propagators of the species. Modern man, however, should be able to discipline his animalistic tendencies with compassion and an awareness of the long-term consequences of his behavior. Excusing a man's behavior on this principle gives him a Get-Out-of-Cheating card and is unacceptable.
2. Men love variety. Barry Schwartz wrote about some of this in The Paradox of Choice, defining people who consistently seek new options as "maximizers." There are indeed some men who are a bit more wired to enjoy the thrill of the kill.
3. Men use sex to soothe their emotions and egos during challenging times. Women soothe themselves with chocolate; men soothe themselves with sex. Personally, I don't condone either extracurricular sex or chocolate as being the best therapy during difficult times. No matter what a couple's problems are, the best solution is always the same: Keep open and warm communication going.
4. Doggie see, doggie do. Newman's study revealed that 77 percent of men who have cheated said they have a good friend who cheated too.
5. There might be some truth to men being as faithful as their options. For some men, their egos tend to encourage them to rationalize their actions, whether it is by abstaining from cheating or offering themselves generously to as many women as possible.
6. Many men feel like they can separate love from sex. Many men truly believe they can still have sex with other women without diminishing love for their mates.
So what can you do if you find yourself with a cheating partner? I recommend the following:
1. Open up a conversation. Calmly tell your spouse you care about him but that you suspect he may be seeing someone else. Express your concerns, and that you understand coming clean may be difficult, but ultimately honesty is what's best for the health of your relationship.
2. Listen to his response. If he denies any two-timing, do not keep accusing him. You could create a self-fulfilling cheating prophecy. However, if you get a denial, but still feel suspicious, keep your eyes open. Before you approach your man again about this topic, however, be sure to collect your evidence and be prepared to say goodbye.
Have you been cheated on? Did your partner ever explain to you why he cheated on you? What did you do when you found out? Share your story below!
Karen Salmansohn is a best-selling author known for creating self-help for people who wouldn't be caught dead reading self-help. Get more information on finding a loving happier-ever-after relationship in her book Prince Harming Syndrome.
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