This is a time of year when you revisit everything in your life from choices to people! It's especially important now to be selective about how you "tell the story" of yourself to others as well as how you "tell the story" of the past to yourself. You want to choose the parts that empower you to be wanted in the way you need right now.
How Do You Feel Wanted? Everyone has the right to feel wanted. I know I have felt very unwanted at times. In fact, I know few people who haven't. When a new year begins, you are fully aware of beginnings and endings. It's the time when you are most likely to take stock of your shortcomings and your failings. But this may not be the most powerful place to let go and begin anew.
My dear friend Demi Moore just created a new perfume called Wanted. Using aromatherapy and old traditions, the formulation contains the scents that create desire for both the wearer and all the people she comes into contact with. Demi used her intuition to put a scent together to make you wanted, which led me to ask the question, "How can you use intuition to be wanted as well as feel wanted?"
For those who are not familiar with my book on intuition, How to Rule the World from Your Couch you may find some of the following suggestions a bit odd, but try them anyways because the results will illuminate the process.
Assume You Have Something to Offer and Make It Your Job to Be Generous
My first book, Practical Intuition, was a New York Times best-seller because Demi put me on a plane, dragged me out to Chicago for the day and got us on The Oprah Winfrey Show. At the time, I was too shy to go to dinner parties. I didn't eat that day so if I threw up on camera it wouldn't be too ugly—that's how scared I was! It was generous of Oprah and Demi to make sure that book was seen because I was too green to do much on the show. But in the scope of their lives, it was a day for Demi and an hour for Oprah. It made an entire life for my son and me.
A man who lived on the street helped my son pass third-grade history. Their relationship began because my son was eating a hot dog in the park, and he felt rude not offering one to the man on the bench facing him. This man took an interest in what my son was reading, and a relationship that nurtured them both began. The point is, you may not realize that others need you but they do.
Mediumship, which is just a fancy intuitive word for "walking a mile in someone else's moccasins", is a great way to find what you have that's wanted. When you want to make contact, allow yourself to "be" the other person. Now, my readers know that there is no pretending in this experience, but for those of you who are new to intuition, simply pretend that you are the other person and notice what you need and want and what makes you/them feel wanted. Then, look back into yourself. I'll bet you there's something in you that is wanted by anyone and everyone. Try offering it. You will be wanted, and you will be useful. Two very life-sustaining things.
Working with thousands of people a year, I can look at a group and often "see" people's name tags like "successful young, nothing much since," "unloved," "victim of chronic fatigue," "survivor", "treated unfairly by life" or "helpless." These name tags, while apparent to the observer, are often completely invisible to you even though they so affect the impact you have on others, whether it's the language you speak, the choices you make or your expectations of how others will or should respond to you. Really, everyone wants to be wanted; however, some of you put so many conditions on how you need to be seen that you may find you make it impossible to enter the state of attractiveness you are seeking.
There was a young man in one of my workshops who everyone in the room instantly disliked. He was slumped in his chair and seemingly above it all. Some of the more advanced students called him out on it. But the minute he cracked an embarrassed smile, the room got 10 degrees hotter and we all fell in love with him. If people aren't responding to you one way, try someone else. Let's face it; there is an entire community of selves needing to be expressed inside any one of us. One size does not fit all, no matter how comfortable we may be with it. In fact, when you defend your "safe" state of being, you miss the growth that comes from responding to others.
When You Can, Respond to the Demands of Others with Grace, No Matter How Absurd They Are
Once when Demi and I were in our 20s, we were in a public bathroom. She was wearing those denim overalls that were in fashion at the time. After chatting stall to stall, we went to wash our hands when a woman looks at Demi while the bib of her overalls were still down and says, "You're Demi Moore!" She whipped out a paper towel and an eye pencil and shoved it in front of her. Demi washed her hands, signed the paper towel and we went back to our table. Tell me that woman doesn't still tell that story. I still do!
What may seem silly to you may be a treasure to someone else. When it is safe, respond to someone's request instead of judging by carrying someone's heavy bag, opening a door, making space on a bench, responding to an grumpy cab driver with kindness or letting a stranger know her skirt is stuck up in her pantyhose. It may bring with it some lovely surprises. The effort to respond will certainly send a clear signal to others that you are desirable.
Expect People to Be Helpful to You and Forgive Them When They're Not
No one is too low to not be worth the kindness and effort of someone else—no matter how you may feel at times. Being down to earth means you get to live on a pretty great little planet with some very interesting inhabitants. Sometimes you may forget this and belittle others without realizing that you are, in fact, missing the party. There are a lot of friendly inhabitants on this planet. Find them!
This is a good time of year for forgiveness. Although, as a concept, forgiveness is quite spiritual, the nuts and bolts of forgiveness are very practical. If it is your fault, you have the power to fix it. Blame keeps you connected to something or someone that represents your injury.
Forgive, help and rejoice. Even if you haven't yet harvested the fruit of the past because of some habits, you can now—and I mean now—let go of them. When you forgive, you can harvest anytime! It is up to you. It starts with honoring what you are, wanting to connect with others and finding what makes others feel valued and wanted.
New York Times best-selling author Laura Day has spent three decades helping individuals, organizations and companies use their innate intuitive abilities to create profound change in their lives. Her new book is How to Rule the World from Your Couch (Simon & Schuster).
How do you use your intuitive skills to create the place you want for yourself in this world?
Printed from Oprah.com on Wednesday, December 11, 2013