Working with thousands of people a year, I can look at a group and often "see" people's name tags like "successful young, nothing much since," "unloved," "victim of chronic fatigue," "survivor", "treated unfairly by life" or "helpless." These name tags, while apparent to the observer, are often completely invisible to you even though they so affect the impact you have on others, whether it's the language you speak, the choices you make or your expectations of how others will or should respond to you. Really, everyone wants to be wanted; however, some of you put so many conditions on how you need to be seen that you may find you make it impossible to enter the state of attractiveness you are seeking.
There was a young man in one of my workshops who everyone in the room instantly disliked. He was slumped in his chair and seemingly above it all. Some of the more advanced students called him out on it. But the minute he cracked an embarrassed smile, the room got 10 degrees hotter and we all fell in love with him. If people aren't responding to you one way, try someone else. Let's face it; there is an entire community of selves needing to be expressed inside any one of us. One size does not fit all, no matter how comfortable we may be with it. In fact, when you defend your "safe" state of being, you miss the growth that comes from responding to others.
When You Can, Respond to the Demands of Others with Grace, No Matter How Absurd They Are
Once when Demi and I were in our 20s, we were in a public bathroom. She was wearing those denim overalls that were in fashion at the time. After chatting stall to stall, we went to wash our hands when a woman looks at Demi while the bib of her overalls were still down and says, "You're Demi Moore!" She whipped out a paper towel and an eye pencil and shoved it in front of her. Demi washed her hands, signed the paper towel and we went back to our table. Tell me that woman doesn't still tell that story. I still do!
What may seem silly to you may be a treasure to someone else. When it is safe, respond to someone's request instead of judging by carrying someone's heavy bag, opening a door, making space on a bench, responding to an grumpy cab driver with kindness or letting a stranger know her skirt is stuck up in her pantyhose. It may bring with it some lovely surprises. The effort to respond will certainly send a clear signal to others that you are desirable.
Expect People to Be Helpful to You and Forgive Them When They're Not
No one is too low to not be worth the kindness and effort of someone else—no matter how you may feel at times. Being down to earth means you get to live on a pretty great little planet with some very interesting inhabitants. Sometimes you may forget this and belittle others without realizing that you are, in fact, missing the party. There are a lot of friendly inhabitants on this planet. Find them!
This is a good time of year for forgiveness. Although, as a concept, forgiveness is quite spiritual, the nuts and bolts of forgiveness are very practical. If it is your fault, you have the power to fix it. Blame keeps you connected to something or someone that represents your injury.
Forgive, help and rejoice. Even if you haven't yet harvested the fruit of the past because of some habits, you can now—and I mean now—let go of them. When you forgive, you can harvest anytime! It is up to you. It starts with honoring what you are, wanting to connect with others and finding what makes others feel valued and wanted.
New York Times best-selling author Laura Day has spent three decades helping individuals, organizations and companies use their innate intuitive abilities to create profound change in their lives. Her new book is How to Rule the World from Your Couch (Simon & Schuster).
How do you use your intuitive skills to create the place you want for yourself in this world?