Step One: Identify a shadow belief about your family. Ask yourself, "What do I think of when I think of my family?" For example, if you think of your family as being "poor and depressed" your shadow belief may be: "If I stay with my family too long, I'll become poor and depressed."
Step Two: Uncover the incidents that supported you in creating the shadow belief about your family. What memories or experiences helped lock this belief in place?
Step Three: Identify the strategies you use to try and tolerate the situation. Do you check out? Do you silently judge your family members? How might you use your family to justify your life or to remain a victim?
Step Four: Realize that you are seeing your family through a shadow belief and this belief becomes the filter of your own limited perception. It's vital to realize that your vision is often clouded by the past and that your perception is not "the truth."
Step Five: Find the gift of your family. What have you learned from being a member of this particular family? What have you become as a result of not wanting to be like them? What strengths have you developed from being a member of this family?