Write your own wedding vows.
When it comes to cheesy lines about soulmates, sunsets and the winds of time, love is also deaf.
Five reasons: He. Cut. Off. His. Arm.
Photo: Courtesy of Leigh Newman
Hang that picture.
You may not mind tilting your head every time you enter the living room. But your guests will get a little dizzy. (Note: This picture is from my very own home.)
Shop for glasses.
The girl behind the counter is there to sell you glasses. In particular, the pair that she didn't unload back in 2001, when looking like a big, mean ant was considered sexy.
Watch the live-birth film.
Especially not the one where the women have the babies while sitting up, standing up...or happily gardening, smiling away as another live human being falls out of them.
Go to an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Yes, that shrimp is undercooked. And, no, you can't pile seven of them on top of your pork chop and blueberry cobbler.
Sign for the down payment.
You will not see the buckling tile and black mold. You will see the house you can (finally!) afford...or almost afford if you just go on that no-food-ever diet that will allow you to lose weight and make your mortgage payment.
Yell at yourself.
It is really surprising how silly all those horrible things you say to yourself sound when you list them out loud to somebody else.
Published on Apr 03, 2013