Illustration: Jen Troyer
Aliens can land, robots can love, but...never does a movie feel more false than when people actually say what they should—in eloquent, witty, exactly right ways. In real life, a friend confesses to self-doubt or depression or deep debt or a desire to get Botox and you say, "Oh! Uh..." So you sit there, order another cappuccino (or margarita), and it’s only hours later that you realize how you could have made your friend feel better. But you were there, syntactically challenged though you may have been, and that counts. And now that you’ve had your belated conversational epiphany, well, that’s why God or Al Gore or whoever invented email.