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1. When You Split Your Pants
Like slipping on a banana peel, splitting your pants is something that's only supposed to happen in cartoons. But let me assure you, it happens to flesh-and-blood people too. It happened to me—ow—in church. It happened to a guy last weekend at my son's class picnic. The downside is that nobody can say to you, "It happens to everybody." It doesn't happen to everybody! It only happens to those of us who have on pants one size too snug. Which, however, does include a whole lot of us.
That said, it's one of the situations where you absolutely can't sit there feeling like a ding-dong and hope to disappear. You have to tell somebody. How else are you going to leave without exposing your bum? This person is going to have walk very, very closely behind you in order to cover you or create a diversion like knocking over a glass of vase of flowers in order to let you run out unseen. If you’re haven't realized the comedy of the pickle then, you will when your new pal has to go run buy you new pants while you stand pressed up against a wall, looking casual until the two of you can inch into the restroom. At multiple points in this Two Stooges routine, it's inevitable that both of you will begin to laugh off any and all embarrassment; perhaps hard enough that your helper will split her pants.
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