Zipper

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2. Nobody sees that tiny bit your zipper slips down on skinny jeans. NOBODY!
How many hours did I stand at the sink cringing at that horrifying millimeter-long snippet of brass that inevitably flashes up from the closure of fashionably tight pants? It always seemed so obvious, so winky, a little firecracker of humiliation. And yet, not another person on the planet sees it. Sadly, this took me about four years to figure out. The seminal moment? I went to dinner with my girlfriends. I saw them across the room. I saw the expressions on their faces: happy, excited, a little depressed, hungry, happy. This is what I was looking at. Only after dinner did I notice they all had on skinny jeans. And when I noticed, I didn't look at their crotch area to see if the zipper was perfectly up to the snap. Because only a crazy person would be looking there. Those kinds of people exist in the world. But they are not people you want to impress. They are not even people you want to meet for dinner. So get out of the bathroom!
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