First, notice the conversations you are having in your head. The arguments that go on and on, the hurtful dialogs that never get resolved. Take a new approach. Really listen to what you are "saying" to the other person and let yourself experience how they are responding. Then ask yourself: "What would make this person respond in a way that would be more productive and healing for them and for me?" Try having this dialog with the person, in your head, instead. The dialog may change as you respond differently and they respond to your efforts. Don't be surprised if the dialog, with the person, in the flesh, simply continues when you next have contact.
If you're struggling with people in your life who won't change, here's a way to protect yourself from the damage of dialogs people won't change. Once again, notice the conversations you're having in your head. Do the previous exercise if you feel there is still something to be resolved in the relationship that would be healing for you. If not or if you cannot reach a resolution, say what you have to say and put a period at the end of the dialog. Every time you return to the dialog in your mind (we can call it an argument too!), shift your thought to a more productive dialog with someone else. This takes practice and discipline, but it is well worth it. More of your brain power will be available for strengthening the relationships that can be resolved, and your body and life will be healthier and more successful for the effort.
You can send love, hope, kindness or even remind your child to eat lunch using this same technique.
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