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Often we fall into the trap of trying to motivate ourselves or others by focusing on what must or should be done in any given situation. Consequently, we end up feeling guilty when we don't live up to our unrealistic expectations. And when we do it to others, we end up angry. So we must stop and ask, "Are we blaming ourselves and others for things that aren't under our or their control? Are our expectations reasonable?"
For example, the person in front of you in line at the grocery store has a huge load of groceries and is taking forever. You get angry and frustrated, thinking, "This is unfair—if she knew she was going to buy this much she shouldn't have come during the busiest time of the day!"