Rules for Life After 35

When you see someone you know but don't feel like talking to them, don't look at the grass in the park or study a jar of mayonnaise on the supermarket shelf and pretend you don't see them.

They know you're faking, and they'll remember.

There are only three real answers: yes, no and yes but later.

People notice wrapping paper, not wrapping skills.

You will never change anybody's opinion about whether or not the bathwater is too hot or too cold.

Go to bed.

Go to bed.

I know it's only 10:30 p.m., but go to bed!

No tattoos on the neck.

On you or anyone else.

Moms like scented candles. It's not a crime to give them one every month.