3. Use artists' creations to describe how you feel. Great art, in my opinion, is simply a reflection of the artist's ability to disclose his or her inner experience very directly and accurately. I know exactly how Edvard Munch was feeling when he painted The Scream, and so do you. A sequence of musical tones assembled by Bach, or a few words placed in a sparse line by e.e. cummings, can convey pure emotion or articulate truths I never knew about myself—I have no idea how this is possible, but it is. A wonderful way to disclose your own heart, then, is to get a little help from artists who communicate feelings similar to your own. I tend to play music for my family and friends ("Here! This is what I'm feeling!") as a way of disclosing aspects of myself I can't express. I also plague people with drawings, paintings, books, and movies that have touched me deeply. It always strikes me as miraculous that I—or you or even the noncommunicative Cindy—can borrow the genius of artists who lived in other times and places to build bridges across the voids that separate our hearts from each other.


As a matter of fact, Cindy the Silent gradually blossomed into one of the most expressive people I've ever coached. After learning to interpret her own feelings, speak freely, and ride piggyback on the self-disclosing genius of others, she decided to quit her dead-end job and enroll in film school. She recently sent me a still shot she'd taken of me sitting in my office with my dog, discussing the art of self-disclosure. Beneath the image Cindy had written, "This is a little underexposed, like me. But I'm working on it." She didn't need to say more. She knew I'd understand.

Martha Beck is the author of Finding Your Own North Star (Three Rivers) and Expecting Adam (Berkley).

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