Do you often feel like you have a "kick me" sign on your heart? Would you describe your love life more as an "angst life" or an "I-wanna-strangle-him life"? If so, you can't let negative love from your past tarnish your attitude toward love for your future.
In my book, Prince Harming Syndrome, I help women break their bad love patterns for good using principles from modern-day research combined with the ancient philosophies of Aristotle. In particular, I mention how Aristotle was famous for believing that the best way to start any project is to begin with your "final purpose" in mind, or what Aristotle called your "teleology."
"Shall we not, like archers who have a mark to aim at, be more likely to hit upon what is right?" Aristotle asked.
Here is my "teleology" for you: I want to give you techniques to empower you to break bad relationship patterns for good so you can finally snag a happily ever after love future.
How do you envision your "love teleology" of a happily ever after love future? What does healthful, happy love look like, sound like, feel like, smell like, taste like, quack like? I want you to write down your ideal love story and email it to yourself for the next 30 days, morning, noon and night. (Note: If you're single, be sure never to write about a specific person you know. Always leave room to meet someone better!)
I did this love teleology visualization every morning at the start of 2009. It worked. Before year's end, I'd found my happily ever after and am now engaged to be married.
Admittedly, I did not find my guy right from the get-go. And that's exactly why doing this daily love teleology visualization helped me so much. Every time I'd find myself drifting toward cynical thoughts about love, I'd reread my love teleology email. It helped me keep my eye on the prize of what I wanted. I stayed optimistic and focused to find what I could so clearly envision.
I'm a big believer that mornings are your trajectory for your day. You want to make sure your day begins aimed consciously toward what you want in your life so you increase your likelihood of being over the moon about your life.
Every morning I'd go to the gym with my laptop in tow and write three versions of my love teleology. I'd edit each version slightly to avoid any of it becoming white noise to my eyes and spirit. With each edit, I'd get myself re-psyched about the joyous love life I wanted. In particular, I'd close my eyes and envision feeling nurtured, safe, supported, inspired, highly loved. When I could feel deeply how I wanted a healthful love to feel, I'd press send.
What you have in your life all began with your thoughts. Your thoughts created the habits/actions you chose, which then created your life. It makes sense that if you can master your thoughts, you will master your life. It's believed that thoughts with the strongest emotion attract what you're thinking about most quickly to you. So the more you can increase the "feeling" for what you want, the more you can increase the "reeling" in of what you want. This is why when you're angry, and thinking too much about all your love disappointments, you risk attracting more love disappointments in your present.
Know this now: If you want to find happier love, you must start with thinking more positive thoughts about finding happier love.
If you want to change the picture on a TV screen because you don't like what you're seeing, you can't do it by simply wiping the screen with a cloth. You must change the programming to see a new picture. Ditto with your love life.
For the next 30 days, I want you to quiet your busy brain and focus on your love teleology email for five minutes, three times a day. This visualization only takes a total of 15 minutes.
You have those extra 15 minutes, so there's no excuses for you not doing these visualizations and to keep on doing them for the next 30 days!
Why 30 days? Psychologists believe it takes about 30 days to get into the groove of a new habit. I agree. Even if you don't see immediate results in your love life, change will eventually happen over time. It took me under nine months to find my amazing fiancé.
As I tell the women I coach: "Seeing is not always believing. But seeding is believing. What you seed is what you get." If you are seeding "positive love thoughts" and "positive love habits" consistently on a daily basis, you can feel confident that, over time, a truly happy love life will eventually blossom for you!
What does love look like for you? What will be the first paragraph in your love teleology?
Karen Salmansohn is a best-selling author known for creating self-help for people who wouldn't be caught dead reading self-help. Get more information on finding a loving happier-ever-after relationship in her book Prince Harming Syndrome.