Step 1: Tune In
People with captive hearts often spend years thinking very hard about things like reawakening their passion or discovering their destiny. This never works, because such information is stored in the heart, not the brain, and is expressed by feelings, not thoughts.

Sonya was so numb to her emotions that she couldn't tell a surge of love or pathos from, say, gas. Not to worry. Paying attention to any feeling unlocks your heart, and if subtle emotional nuance eludes you, physical sensations will do nicely. Try the exercise I assigned Sonya: Write a detailed description of everything you're feeling in your body. If you do this for more than ten minutes, you'll find that you've also started describing your emotions.

As Sonya began to write about her chronic exhaustion and headaches, a torrent of truth burst from her heart into her conscious mind. "I hate the socialite scene," she found herself writing. "I want solitude. I need music." For years her heart had been trying to send these messages through physical symptoms. As she began to listen, those symptoms faded. Sonya's prison walls were coming down.

Step 2: Think of This As "Shock" Therapy
Once you begin listening to your heart, I guarantee it's going to say some things that shock you—otherwise, you wouldn't have locked it away in the first place. You may discover that your heart wants to spend your paycheck on flowers or wear purple spandex to a board meeting. You don't have to act on these impulses, but you must not judge or repress them.

Treat your heart like a tired, hurt child: Accept its tantrums, revenge fantasies, and pity parties, but don't get stuck in them. Say kind things to yourself: "It's okay that you love your goldfish more than your in-laws" or "Of course you want to stab Billy's third-grade teacher with a meat fork—all the moms do." When you acknowledge your forbidden feelings calmly, you'll find that you actually have more control over your actions. It's when feelings are repressed that they burst out in dangerous, unhealthy ways.

The more you tune in, the deeper the truths your heart will tell and the more intense your emotions will become. You may feel great pain about times others have hurt you—and, worse, times you have hurt others. But as this pain flows through you and begins to dissipate, you'll find something beneath it, something astonishingly powerful, something one philosopher called the "all-pervading radiant beauty" of your heart of hearts.

How to defy your inner jailer and make your dreams a reality


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