Step Five: Unleash Your Inner Adoring Puppy
I hope you're following the process here: Choose a PPP—a person you admire and appreciate—and write an absolutely honest letter to him or her. When I do this, I become as worshipful as a rescued pound dog. "Thank you for walking away from busyness to linger in nature," I wrote to Mary Oliver. "Thank you for finding words to say what silence teaches." If she'd been there, I would have given her all my chew toys.
Step Six: Again, Change the Name
Once you've written to your positive perseveration person, repeat step three: Cross out his or her name and substitute your own. Read your own feedback, absorbing it without resistance, because once again, you were really talking to yourself.
My letter to Mary Oliver stunned me. For years I've chastised myself for periodically ignoring e-mails and appointments to disappear into the mountains or the African savanna. But now I saw clearly: My AWOL adventures haven't been a waste of time! When I travel, I'm hunting and gathering messages that comfort me not only in the hubbub of life but also in the face of death. I'm no Mary Oliver, but something in me has been trying to follow her example.
What does your PPP letter tell you to love within yourself? For which of your attributes are you unconsciously grateful? Whatever you've written, now is the time to accept it. Embrace it as you'd want your heroes to embrace your appreciation. You really are that person.
It's helpful to remember that our subconscious minds continuously seek out human mirrors and hold them up to our conscious awareness. Looking deeply at our own "reflections" expands our awareness of our worst qualities (so we can correct them) and our best (so we can enhance them). Perseveration letters can transform your solitary conversations into powerful dialogues, because the person you're talking to—you—starts to hear. And when that happens, in small but deeply significant ways, your good advice really does begin to change the world.
Martha Beck is the author of six books, including Steering by Starlight (Rodale).
More Martha Beck:
We Hear You!