I love this question. You can solve a lot of your present problems in your life by asking yourself this question and then finding the right to-be list words to focus on, so as to solve your present life difficulties. Can your present problems be made easier by being more patient, more disciplined, more courageous or more forgiving? Where you focus is what you will find.
Specific examples: If you realize that you are not very good at being warmly direct,—being completely honest with your love partner about what's bothering you—then put warmly direct on your to-be list. Or if you realize you're not a good listener—and that your love partner may feel unheard—then put good listener on your to-be list.
Start every day thinking, "Who do I need to become to get all that I want and deserve in life?" Then, brainstorm your to-be list and focus on one or two of the to-bes you most desire. If there is a moment when you are tempted to not be your to-bes (and there probably will be), immediately refocus and repeat a mantra that goes something like this: "The old me used to be very reactive and say things in the moment without thinking. The new me is peaceful, empathic, loving and calms down before speaking. I am responding, not reacting."
By constantly repeating mantras like these, you will retrain your brain to think like the new you all the time—creating new actions, new perceptions and better life options! Now, go and be!
Karen Salmansohn is a best-selling author known for creating self-help for people who wouldn't be caught dead reading self-help. Get more information on finding a loving happier-ever-after relationship in her book Prince Harming Syndrome.