If you feel you're with someone highly supportive—a friend with whom you want to more freely share your experience—be sure to check in with them first, saying something like: "I must confess what I went through is a very emotional experience. If you have an hour, I'd love to share it with you." That way you guard against the disappointment of not being able to share in the way you had hoped.

Siebert also reminds that it's okay to decide not to share anything at all. You can simply tell people, "Thanks for asking, but I don't care to talk about it right now."

Another helpful NLP technique is to dilute strongly negative words. Try to stop saying things like:

• I'm furious!
• I'm devastated!
• I'm completely crushed.
  

Instead replace them with milder expressions such as:

• I'm a bit miffed.
• I'm disappointed.
• I'm surprised.
  

Be mindful that your words also have power in other areas of your life. For example, instead of saying, "I won't get involved with cheating jerks or sociopaths or toxic people anymore!" you might say, "I'll only get involved with healthy, loving, trustworthy people." Instead of saying, "I am no longer going to be in total financial debt!" you might say, "I vow to become financially solvent."

I'm also a big believer that who you think you are actually manifests who you will be. Your beliefs will create the actions and habits you choose. During a challenging time, it's essential to view yourself as a strong person—capable of bouncing back stronger than ever! With this in mind, I recommend during tough times, you enter what I humorously call the "Identity Protection Program!" Own one of the following identities as yours:

• I'm the type of person who makes the world say yes to me.
• I'm an indomitable spirit, a phoenix rising from the ashes. Nothing keeps me down!
• A lesser person would crumble right now. Not moi!
• When life throws me curveballs, I hit 'em outta the park!
  

If you find yourself in a challenging time, remember to repeat these types of beliefs as often as possible, even if at first you have trouble believing them. As Muhammad Ali once said: "It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen." Or as I like to say, "Sometimes you gotta fake positivity till you make positivity."


Karen Salmansohn is a best-selling author known for creating self-help for people who wouldn't be caught dead reading self-help. Get more information on finding a loving happier-ever-after relationship in her book Prince Harming Syndrome.

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