How often have you criticized someone because they have something that you don't, but that you wish you did? Perhaps they have a great job or an Ivy League education or a wonderful marriage. Are you jealous of what they have, and is your jealousy eating away at you?
Dr. Robin urges us not to "hate on" others just because they have something you want. "['Hating on' someone] doesn't mean that you hate them, it means that a part of you is really stirred up because there's some level of success, there's some level of achievement, there's some level of fulfillment that they have that you don't," Dr. Robin says. "So don't 'hate on' someone because you haven't been able, at least yet, to accomplish what they have."
Dr. Robin says there is a difference between wishing you had something and living jealous. "To live longing for something that someone else has or is—not only is it bad for you, it is a humongous waste of time," Dr. Robin says.
If you are so preoccupied with what someone has—a good marriage, a big promotion, a beautiful home—you will soon be drained of energy, Dr. Robin says. Instead of focusing on what other people have or are doing, concentrate on the opportunities that are right in front of you that can take you where you want to be, she says.
"Don't waste this moment hating someone else because they remind you of where you want to be. Just get on the path and do the work and go and seize the moment."
Printed from Oprah.com on Monday, December 9, 2013