Ask Deepak: How to Stop Yourself from Ruining Your Relationship
By Deepak Chopra
March 31, 2010
Each week, spiritual teacher Deepak Chopra responds to Oprah.com users' questions with enlightening advice to help them live their best lives.
Q: I have been in a relationship for the past 16 months and am so happy and have never been this much in love ever. He loves me unconditionally and tells me every chance that he gets that he would never do anything to hurt me—so why do I feel so insecure? Why do I all of a sudden feel like I'm going to lose him to someone else for no reason? I don't want to mess this up over negative feelings that I cannot get over. What can I do?
— Rhonda C., Jersey City, New Jersey
Well, that's how love is. It creates pain and joy at the same time, and for the same reason, because deeper aspects of ourselves are brought to light. The openness that love brings, if you are lucky, isn't just being open to the best things in life. You also feel like a child again, and that brings a sense of need that is very vulnerable.
I also paused on our word "unconditional." Nobody loves you unconditionally who has only known you for 16 months. It's a lovely promise and a desirable goal, but you're not there yet. Some part of you knows this. You aren't a teenager, and you've fallen in and out of love before.
So my advice is to look at your feelings as the normal turmoil of love and press ahead. When someone asks, "How do I find the right one," my answer is: "Don't look for the right one. Be the right one." The same words hold true for you.