Agenda Cleanse Step 1: Pick an interaction, any interaction.Think of something you plan to do in the upcoming hours or days that involves other people. It could be going to a coworker's birthday party, putting in a day at the office, attending square-dancing class, whatever. We'll call this interaction activity X.
Step 2: Ask yourself the actor's question.Keeping activity X in mind, ask yourself, What's my motivation for doing this? Don't spit out the first facile answer that comes to mind (Um, I have to?). Give it real thought, and be brutally honest. Your clarity—maybe a little piece of your sanity—depends on it.
There might be several reasons you're planning to undertake activity X. Feel for the one that's deepest. Maybe you'll be attending the coworker's birthday party because you sort of want to be there but also to be polite, and mainly because you want cake. You may go to work to earn money, and to feel important, but primarily to prove your worth to your parents. Perhaps you square-dance partly for love of the music, partly to show off your new Frye boots, but mostly because your friends just keep hounding you until you go. Pick the motivation that feels most true, your real bedrock reason.
Step 3: See if your real agenda aligns with your apparent agenda.Now that you've identified your actual motivation, check to see whether you're making it clear or hiding it from others—and even yourself. Finish this statement, and don't hold back. Tell it like it is.
I let myself and others think the real reason I'm doing activity X is _______________________________________________.
To the extent that this answer is the same as your answer in step 2, your agenda vis-á-vis activity X is transparent. If the two answers are different, you're in hot water. Happily, I mean that in a good way.
We Hear You!