Each week, spiritual teacher Deepak Chopra responds to Oprah.com users' questions with enlightening advice to help them live their best lives.
Q: How can I be sure I have completely forgiven my former spouse for abuse, abandonment and alcoholism? Can this really be done properly without contact with him (via letter)? We were together for 20 years and have two grown daughters who do not have good relations with their dad either. I have not spoken to him since the messy divorce 15 years ago. He remarried right away. And how can I be sure I have completely forgiven myself for my part in it? Through much work spiritually, I have learned to embrace all the good we had together and I have compassion for him and his abusive childhood, but is this enough? I am capable and gregarious, with satisfying work and many loving friends and family. I have a good relationship with God. I am more content and confident than ever, but I have not found a satisfying, serious relationship that I clearly want. So I must have more work to do here…any ideas?
— Eileen O., Summit, New Jersey
You are asking a question that might seem self-evident. What if you had written, "How do I know if my arm doesn't hurt anymore?" When pain is gone, it's gone. But the mind isn't that simple, for two reasons, and both apply here.
How do I stop feeling out of control?
Every week, Deepak will be answering questions from readers just like you—ask your question now!
Deepak Chopra is the author of more than 50 books on health, success, relationships and spirituality, including his current best-seller, Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul, and The Ultimate Happiness Prescription, which are available now. You can listen to his show on Saturdays every week on SiriusXM Channels 102 and 155.
Published on March 10, 2010