— Linda B., Sun City, California
I get the feeling you are actually living a life that is productive, not crippled by grief. If you are asking how to be entirely grief-free, most mothers would attest that it isn't possible. Accept that grief can be a normal, manageable emotion. Your bond with Dustin is based on love, and when love is lost, it can still be love, but with associations of sadness, regret and guilt. So the realistic question is this: Can you have love-with-grief that is life-enhancing for you? I think the answer is yes. It's a matter of making the love always greater than the grief.
May I suggest turning to productive expressions of love for your departed son? Here are a few:
- Keep a journal in which you enter the feelings you have for him every day. Fill this journal with loving remembrances, but also be honest about whatever emotion is present that day. Be complete and thorough. When you have finished an entry, bless your son and do something you really enjoy.
- Set aside a few minutes every day to send love to your son and ask for love in return. Make this silent communion a ritual that only you know about.
- Talk about your son with his friends when they send emails. Don't try to isolate yourself. Shared feelings become easier to manage.
- Go to group meetings with other people who are grieving. Make it your intention to help them more than to help yourself. Being of service helps ease painful feelings.
- Identify the things that bring you down when they are about your son. Some people may bring out these feelings, or maybe it's photos or memorabilia—anything that makes grief sharper. Minimize such experiences. Indulging in the suffering of grief is not what you are about.
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Deepak Chopra is the author of more than 50 books on health, success, relationships and spirituality, including his current best-seller, Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul, and The Ultimate Happiness Prescription, which are available now. You can listen to his show on Saturdays every week on SiriusXM Channels 102 and 155.
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