Your boss hires his college buddy with no experience, but a lot of rockin' kegger stories from—yes—last weekend! Do not, under any circumstances, convince yourself that if you hang out and do eyebrow-burning shots with this new favorite employee you will avoid having to doing his work later. You will just have to do it hung over. Remain sober. Print résumé. Send.
Your dog likes your friend better than you. Which is why God invented bacon.
The novel you've been waitlisted for at the library for six months finally came up. And it happens to be missing the last page. Which is why God invented bacon double cheeseburgers.
Nobody in this house changes lightbulbs but you! (Crash) Nobody in this house changes lightbulbs but you!
Though you are clearly the best at something (eggnog) and you've done it 1,378 times, by some terrible fluke of nature, you pull a McKayla Maroney when the people from next door come over and you forget the order of the egg whites and yolks and somehow end up with frosty glasses of ice-cold dairy glue. However, unlike the Olympics, you will get another chance to leap over this psychological vault and whip up a mind-blowing batch the next day—hopefully for some beleaguered, deserving person who least expects it like the postman...or your spouse...or yourself.
Published on Jan 07, 2013