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When drinking was no longer enough to numb the pain of her depression, Shawn Colvin says she started starving herself. "I was anorexic for a year," says Shawn. "I felt powerful and in control and pretty. I think it's another response to some sort of illness that has to do with depression and obsession. My obsession with food and weight and appearance didn't stop when I quit being anorexic. It's still there."

As her career took off, Shawn was in denial about her depression. She went on and off her medication, putting herself on an emotional roller coaster until she finally hit rock bottom. "I just sat on the floor against the wall, just heaving sobs," says Shawn. "After it went on for several days in this awful despair and lethargy, it just surrounded me. Going to the bathtub to bathe was too far a journey.

"I really began to think of killing myself. It seemed like the right thing to do. For some reason, I was able, for a millisecond, to step outside myself, and go, 'You're having a calm, internal dialogue about slitting your wrists in the bathtub with your clothes on so it won't freak your sister out. Does something strike you as wrong about that?' And I knew I was in trouble."
FROM: Depressed, Mentally Ill and Famous
Published on November 17, 2004


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