I hope to find my lost "courage." Turning 50 this past year caused me to reflect on my life. I realize that as the years progress, I have been gaining in the fear department. I plan on utilizing this trip to face some fears (traveling alone, taking risks, heights, pole climbing), gain inner strength and reinforce the gratitude I feel.
I was always a young woman with little fear. I would travel Europe, hitchhiking through Ireland and Holland, never knowing where I would sleep. I felt strong and beautiful. I married, divorced, then remarried my current husband. Eight months after we were married, my only sister/best friend was murdered. ... I began to live a live of doubt, fear and an underlying anger that only the people who loved me would see. Outwardly I appeared well-adjusted, smart and positive. Internally I felt like a fraud.
Now I know that Miraval was not a magic antidote, but it did make me look at myself in a realistic way. I finally realized just how damaged I am due to my sister's murder, and how it left me so frightened. I went to Miraval hoping to gain some of my fearlessness back, to gain some strength and to show my family, especially my children, that I haven't always been so tightly wrapped.
The first week back was wonderful. I felt alive again! My family was ecstatic. The honeymoon is somewhat over, but I am working hard to remember the things at Miraval that helped me to shed some of my fear.