Frustrated woman
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Each week, spiritual teacher Deepak Chopra responds to users' questions with enlightening advice to help them live their best lives.
Q: I have been on the journey to rediscover myself: how I really feel, how I see the world, how to better deal with the world and how to love and be loved. Like an alcoholic, I fall off the wagon plenty. And, like an alcoholic, one day I'll look back and realize just how far I have gone. My questions:

  1. How do I keep going? The harder I try or just when I think I am finding my way, there seems to be an energy that opposes me. Like the world says, "So you think you are better?" Is this a test, or is it me?

  2. How do I find this mystery man I know is meant for me when I hardly go out? I am at work, with my family and spend most of my weekends with my son, who lives with his dad. I seem to always compromise and end up with some kind of a man who is barely half of what I want. Okay, I know, first misgiving right there. But waiting can be a bit tedious. Today, I have to dump one of those could-have-been-the-one types. I know I will meet him, but when? My boss keeps telling me I need to find someone I can go home to. And he is right: I spend most of my days taking care of people, so I want someone who'll take care of me. God is great. Can I just get someone who'll hold me at night?

  3. How do I find my purpose in life? My greatest passion is to run a shelter for the homeless/soup kitchen. Where do I start? Do I quit my job? I want to be more than just some employee at some company. I know I was born for something much greater, and serving God in this way has always been close to my heart. How do I do this? I just really want to wake up and do something that I love with every fiber in my being. What I am doing now does not come close. I just want to stop living this life that does not feel like mine.
— Motsilisi P., Johannesburg, South Africa

Dear Motsilisi,
I am not a computer expert, but there's a term known as a screen dump. In this case, you have dumped all the inner conflicts that most people store up in a lifetime. But that doesn't mean an answer is impossible.

You are a dependent person. You dream of being rescued. You enjoy the fantasy of "what might have been" or "what will be one day." Time passes without action or initiative. You fill this time by asking anybody and everybody what to do. Instead of growing up, you have turned from a child who depends on others to an adult who depends on others.

Having seen this about yourself, you can stop being the woman who never makes up her mind. Your indecision is born of timidity, and your timidity is rooted in not growing up. Focus on that. If Mr. Right came along, you'd simply become dependent on him, and since no outside person can make you whole, after a while both of you would be dissatisfied. Instead of focusing on the fantasy of being rescued, start the process of maturing. The time has come.


How do I continue to grow when I feel like I've lost touch with who I am?

Every week, Deepak will be answering questions from readers just like you—ask your question now!

Deepak Chopra is the author of more than 50 books on health, success, relationships and spirituality, including his current best-seller, Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul, and The Ultimate Happiness Prescription, which are available now. You can listen to his show on Saturdays every week on SiriusXM Channels 102 and 155.


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