4 Steps to Forgiveness

Reliving and Reflecting

Once you've had the chance to vent, you are ready to appeal to your rational side, Dr. Hallowell says.

• Ask yourself: What do you want this pain to turn into?
• Look for the hook. The hook is what is holding you back—it's the portion of the misdeed that is causing you to hold on to your anger and resentment.
• Empathize with the person who hurt you.
• Remember that forgiveness is not the service of condoning. It's a service to yourself—free yourself from the poison of hatred.