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Sync Your Sex Drives


It is only normal for sex drive to ebb and flow, and couples should not be overly alarmed to find that their sex drives do not always match up. However, if differing levels of desire are causing consistent unhappiness for one or both partners, it is important to resolve it. "You both have to be happy with your level of sexual activity," Barbach says.

1. Talk it over in a calm, neutral setting.
Start talking—but not right after one person has just been turned down in his or her romantic advances. Wait for a neutral time and do it in a noncharged setting—outside the bedroom. If opening the conversation feels awkward, get a book about sex and read it together. Look at the pictures, laugh—break the tension. Let your partner know that you're open to making things better between you. That's half the battle.




SOURCES: Lonnie Barbach, PhD, psychologist and sex therapist, University of California, San Francisco; author, For Yourself, For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy. Richard Driscoll, PhD, marriage therapist, Knoxville, Tenn.; author, Intimate Masquerades: A Survival Guide for Those Who Know Too Much. Patricia Koch, PhD, associate professor, biobehavioral health and women's studies, Pennsylvania State University; adjunct professor, human sexuality, Widener University. Edward Laumann, professor of sociology, University of Chicago; author, The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States. Laumann, E. Archives of Sexual Behavior, April 2006; vol. 34: p. 145–161. Esther Perel, couples and family therapist, New York City; author, Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic. Eva Ritvo, MD, vice chairman, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science, Miller School of Medicine, University of Miami, Florida.; chairman, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Medicine, Mount Sinai Medical Center, Florida; author, The Concise Guide to Marital and Family Therapy. Pepper Schwartz, PhD, professor of sociology, University of Washington; past president, Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality. Tom Smith, author, American Sexual Behavior: Trends, Socio-Demographic Differences, and Risk Behavior, National Opinion Research Center, University of Chicago. WebMD Features: "When Men Aren't in 'The Mood'" and "Why Women Lose Interest in Sex."

Reviewed on February 14, 2007

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