1.3.2012
Posted: Tue 01/03/2012 09:05 PM
my kids r getting old
vivi knows all the words
2 i am sexy and i know it
she is 9
we r in miami christmas
thru jan 10
it is paradise here
i love it so
i live in a movie star mansion
on star island
everytime i pull into my driveway
i think - who owns this place
shit its me
p diddy has a party every new years eve
4 the last decade
my kids and i watch the sports cars pull up
the fireworks glow at midnight right above r roof
then its off to bed
the bass thumps till 4 am
lulling us to sleep
thats how i roll animal print pants out of control
for reasons i am not sure of
this year my kids asked if we could go to the bash
i explained that i don't know diddy
and one needs an invitation
" - but he's r neighbor mom...
and gloria goes - we can go with her ... "
not this year i said smiling
they kept asking
on new years eve day viv and i went shopping
my pt cruiser top down
radio blaring LMFAO
we pull back into r home
there by the front gate
r 2 handsome men
in designer sweat suits
just finishing up a run
vivi asks loudly
"what does diddy look like"
and sean turns around
"hey rosie - how r u doing"
we have been neighbors for many years
this is the first time we have run into each other
we chat - he is sweet and charming
he asks if we r free that night
"yes" vivi yells - putting both arms above her head
as if she has scored the winning goal
"my kids will be there... he tells me
" bring urs too "
vivi runs into the house
and announces the good news
chaos ensues
its like my teens have won the lottery
i tell mish - who asks what the attire is
i have no idea
she asks me to call gloria
stupidly i dont
"he said his kids would be there" i told her knowingly
i am sure its just a small casual party this year
point is we have no dress up clothes in florida anyway
but we all do r best
the kids shower and put on their nicest duds
michelle looks amazing in size 0 tight jeans
i am in basic frump wear
as usual
we walk 50 yards to his front door
its 10 45
my sons r pointing out bugattis
i am having mild panic
we pose 4 a photo by the ciroc car
as i notice the people entering dressed in black tie
high end black tie
like the oscars black tie
i start to sweat
we walk to the large security men
each holding a clip board
they look at us
i smile - wait 2 b recognized
"name"
rosie odonnell i whisper
he looks at me blankly
after what feels like forever he says
"u r not on the list"
hmmmmm ... what to do ?
"diddy invited us" says vivi with certainty
the guy nods and says he will ask someone
he walks away - we wait
i tell the kids it doesn't look good
they don't understand whats going on
people pass us dressed to the 9's
mish tugs on my arm "lets go honey..."
relief washes over me
"lets go kids" i say
the walk home was endless
full of sullen children
"thanks a lot mom - we could have waited...
u ruined the best night of my life - this sux"
in my kitchen
i do 20 minutes about what a loser i am
mish and tanya r laughing
my kids rolling their eyes
p ditty has called 2 say sorry
no need - really
it was a thrilling night
something i will be teased about 4 years to come
its all ready started
"remember when u were somebody mom ?"
"wanna try to get in to target today mom ?"
"its all down hill from here mom"
happy new year all
xxxx
12.15.2011
Posted: Thu 12/15/2011 07:36 PM
the best docs of 2011
the end of year rap ups
make me happy
the academy award screeners have arrived
heaven on earth
the best part of show biz 4 sure
art injections - glorious
this morning roxy
mish's baby pomerainian
escaped thru the front gate
unseen
out i ran 2 find her
bare feet - no phone
she was gone .........
and shit i was locked out
panic descended
i asked a man walking down the street
if i could use his his phone
he handed it to me
i only know 2 phone numbers
i am 49 years old
how is this possible
embarrassing
i dialed bobby - no luck
kelli - message machine was on
hmmmmm
shit
by now i am freezing
"i don't know what to do " i tell him
he suggests i wait in his car
asks me my name
i see the UPS man on my porch
i go sign for the box
x mas gifts i am sure
amazon
"rosie odonnell - where r ur shoes" he asks
he takes my photo
smiling
wishes me merry christmas
the neighbor comes by -
invites me in
gives me a pair of her hubbys socks
her 2 boys r beautiful
the 6 year old tells me he can play piano
and then proceeds to
very very well
the 4 year old likes the radio
for a moment i am back in commack
1971
calm - cozy - familiar
up the street
tanya shows up
we look for roxy in the house
no luck
my cell rings
i hear the old tape in my head
"u r a loser - nothing"
mish is laughing - i cant hear her
ROXY IS GONE - i yell
yes i know
- someone found her
- brought her to the vet -
she is safe - found
breathe i remind myself
focus on what matters
ur all grown up
everything is ok
right
here
right
now
Carissa on Spanx
Posted: Tue 12/06/2011 07:58 PM
A day in the life of
wardrobing Rosie is never dull, sometimes challenging, at times comical, and
always, a-l-w-a-y-s entertaining.
Let's begin by
addressing the most talked-about issue--that's right--Spanx.
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