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Dr. Berman:
Yeah, Kegel yourself and then it will be tight. But—yes. So the main thing is the relaxation. So if you're anxious about it, first of all, the anus doesn't have natural lubricant so—like the vagina does. So you want to have a lot a lot a lot of lubricant and you also need to have, I believe, a tremendous amount of trust because the second you tense, it's almost impossible to do. So it requires a lot of relaxation, a lot of comfort, a lot of trust and a lot of lubricant. And a—and a lot of care. You want to go very slowly. You may want to start with a finger first and work your way up to his penis. I mean, you—you definitely—some women really—if they want to do it, and that's assuming they want to, you really have to work your way into it. But women who do have anal sex, many of them find it extremely pleasurable.

Oprah:
Does anyone else have a question?

Sarah:
I do, Oprah.

Oprah:
Go ahead.

Sarah:
My first question is, my husband and I are working on the blended orgasm, but we're not quite there yet. Dr. Berman, are there positions that we could try to maybe be more successful?

Dr. Berman:
So the blended or is the G-spot and clitoral and what you're looking for is that simultaneous stimulation.

Sarah:
Yes.

Dr. Berman:
So as I mentioned before, that CAT, the Coital Alignment Technique that is in the book, the Real Sex for Real Women, there are lots of positions in there for blended orgasms.

Oprah:
(Indicating.) I'm holding up the book so you can see it.

Dr. Berman:
She's holding up the book. So there's lots of positions in there. You want to be in a position—you can also use a small vibrator like the Athena I showed earlier or the Aurora that freaked Oprah out. You can use those for clitoral stimulation during intercourse. And then if you use your Kegel muscles, you're squeezing, providing that friction around your G-spot and also getting clitoral stimulation.

Oprah:
Got it?

Sarah:
Yes.

Oprah:
How old are you guys? May I ask you that?

Valerie:
I'm 35.

Oprah:
Thirty-five.

Sarah:
I'm 28.

Oprah:
Twenty-eight.

Rusty:
Thirty-seven.

Oprah:
Thirty-seven. It's clearly an interesting dynamic here. First of all, 10 years ago we would not have been able to have this conversation.

Dr. Berman:
No.

Oprah:
Anywhere except on some, I don't know, where we could even—

Dr. Berman:
No.

Oprah:
—have had this conversation. And it clearly is a difference in the 30-year-old generation and my generation, because I'm, you know, going to be 55 in a week or so, and your comfortability with expressing it. Because truly I am very uncomfortable with this conversation.

Dr. Berman:
Yeah. Yeah.

Oprah:
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Berman:
It's certainly not something you're used to talking about.

Oprah:
No. Just the word "anus" makes me kind of tense.

Dr. Berman:
Well then I wouldn't try recommending anal sex right now.  

Oprah:
You don't have to worry about me. No. And then she just so freely said "anal sex." I mean, I have to tell you. I have to tell you.

Dr. Berman:
Which is a great thing.

Oprah:
I thought I was pretty sexually liberated. I really did.

Dr. Berman:
You don't have to be liberated about everything.

Oprah:
Yes. But I just could not be discussing. I really commend you for being able to be—and this is where we're headed in the world.

Dr. Berman:
Right.

Oprah:
And I really do embrace the fact that it's our bodies and there's nothing wrong with our bodies that we should be able to talk about it. But it just clearly is, as you all can see, I'm a little uncomfortable, and it clearly is very different. Very different.

Dr. Berman:
Yeah.

Oprah:
Than—you know, it has been. And so do you—do you talk about this amongst yourselves?

Valerie:
We do.

Sarah:
All the time.

Rusty:
Yeah.

Oprah:
You do.

Sarah:
Yeah, we do.

Dr. Berman:
And they want it. They want the answers. They want the information. And what I think is so great is that women—this is the shift is that women are feeling—it's not just about like what they need to do to get by in the relationship or to satisfy him or get him off her back.

Oprah:
That's right.

Dr. Berman: "
It's time to embrace my own pleasure. What do I want sexually?"

Oprah:
That's what I love about it because this generation of 30-year-olds they are certainly not going to go 24 years faking an orgasm.

Dr. Berman:
No, no, the majority of them are not.

Oprah:
So when you heard earlier, when you heard earlier when we first opened the show and there was Luanne and Gerald and obviously you saw the show last week, what did you thing being when you saw Luanne who had been in a marriage, a loving relationship with Gerald all these years and she had been faking it and had never had an orgasm. What did you guys think?

Valerie:
I felt bad for her. I really felt sad because I always thought as a woman it's your responsibility to own your own orgasm. That when you're having sex—

Oprah:
That's a t-shirt.

Dr. Berman:
Own your orgasm.

Sarah:
Yeah.

Oprah:
Yeah.

Valerie:
That you really should be focused on getting your own orgasm and not letting him give it to you.

Oprah:
Uh-huh.

Dr. Berman:
Or expecting him to. But I will say that younger women who can't reach orgasm for some reason, they have inhibitions, they haven't figured it out, and they feel so much pressure, they've lost relationships because the guys are so hung up on them reaching orgasm or they feel so much pressure, they will fake it.

Oprah:
Fake it, yeah.

Dr. Berman:
They will fake it. But most women now in their 30s have at least explored self-stimulation and have kind of figured it out on their own. If they haven't, then they might have gone down the path of faking rather than getting help, which hopefully now they're going to start doing.

Oprah:
So the idea of faking is not something that you—it's not a part of your language, correct?

Sarah:
Not at all. When I first learned, it was a vibrator. It was, you know, take a vibrator, try it out yourself, figure out what you like. I have a G-spot vibrator that I love. Use it, you know, not often. But every time when I just feel like I need a little boost, I'll do it myself and my husband's all for it.

 

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