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Although he felt connected to his wife, Scott says he started to feel insecure when Colleen's mother passed away. "I felt powerless; I didn't feel able to talk with my wife," he says. "Looking back on it, I felt that it transferred onto our relationship when it really didn't. She was really looking for me to be that strong point and I kind of walked away from it because of the insecurities I was feeling and the challenges we were facing in our marriage at the time and my abilities to be able to love her as a husband."
Just as the little things are often signs that something is wrong, the little things can also help rebuild relationships, Gary says. For example, if a man tries to make breakfast and burns the toast, Gary suggests staying positive. "[Men] want to feel like they're pleasing their wives. ... When you give him the message mainly that you screwed up, then believe it or not, it makes him feel insecure. [He thinks,] 'I can't win,'" Gary says. "Engender the good feeling of the trying and the effort that he's made. That's where the love really is."