"At this point, I'm so terrified of rejection, I don't know how to go back out there and try again." As a multitasking, very verbal woman, I often inundate Dan with ideas of thisses or thats—the things he could do to get a job. And I frequently get silence in return. I've come to realize, finally, that it's not that he doesn't want to try my ideas. Instead, the problem is that Dan's wound is deep enough that it might take awhile to heal.
"I love you; I just don't love myself that much right now." Your husband might be telling you this already. Only it might come out like, "May I make you a sandwich to take to work with you?"
"Thank you." As in "Thank you for being the amazing superwoman you are, who is somehow managing to keep us financially afloat. Thank you for teaching me how to cook boeuf bourguignon; for noticing when I put a candle on the table for our dinner of beans and rice; and, mostly, thank you for loving me enough to hang in here and get back into bed with me every night. I didn't know the 'poorer' part of our vows would be tested for this long, but I do know I'm lucky to have you."
Okay, maybe Dan would say this out loud only if he were being played by Jim Sturgess in a movie and someone had written this down and made him memorize it...and, to boot, if I were Anne Hathaway. But what I do know, without a doubt, is that even though he might not say all the words I'd love to hear, he does say thank you, a whole hell of a lot—sometimes with real words and, often, with warm baths drawn and waiting when I come home from a long day.
Caitlin Shetterly is the author of Made for You and Me: Going West, Going Broke, Finding Home (Voice)
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