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When Kevan refused to listen when Dorothy repeatedly told him no, Gavin says it should have raised serious red flags. "Anytime someone doesn't hear no, it means they're trying to control you," Gavin says. "When a man says no in this culture, it's the end of the discussion. When a woman says no, it's the beginning of a negotiation."

Gavin says the concept of "no" gets a bad reputation that stretches all the way back to our youth. "It disappointed us," he says. "A friend of mine said, 'God always answers your prayers. But the answer isn't always yes.' There's nothing wrong with no. People say, 'Oh, my prayers were answered, I got that car I wanted.' Your prayers were answered when you didn't get that car you wanted, too. The answer was no. No's not so bad."

"We need to start learning, as women, that when you're saying no to something, you're also saying yes," Oprah says. "And that the 'yes' is usually to yourself."
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FROM: How the Gift of Fear Can Save Your Life
Published on January 29, 2008

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