Gavin de Becker, Nicole and Oprah

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When Nicole found the UPS box on her balcony, Gavin says this was a warning sign. Gavin applauds Nicole for listening to her intuition and says that quieting her fear could have caused the situation to escalate. "He's already into behavior of wanting to get caught," he says. "You don't come back again and again and again and not want to get caught."

Gavin says like Nicole, the intruder's intuition was probably trying to tell him something, too. "Offenders as well can see what's happening in their lives. And talk about not listening to it—he's in someone's apartment doing something sexual with their clothes on—that's something to listen to."

Because the intruder had a job and a family, Gavin says his behavior was not only reckless, but dangerous as well. "When people do listen, they can stop what's almost fate," Gavin says. "There's a great line that Carl Jung said. He said, 'What we do not make conscious emerges later as fate.' If he made it conscious, if he could talk to someone about it, if he could tell someone, he could get better also. But he didn't and it does mean escalation. If she discovered him, that's dangerous. If he came in when she was there, that's dangerous."
FROM: How the Gift of Fear Can Save Your Life
Published on January 29, 2008